Nobody is really dead...

I watch too much TV. A good chunk of that time is taken up by soap operas. When I first started watching soaps with my mom- I mean really watching, not just mocking her show in the background during school days off, or pretending not to listen back in my preschool days- she taught me "nobody is really dead on soap operas." I remember General Hospital was the first soap we started watching together- it began shortly after I got home from middle school. One of the first "soapy" deaths I recall was a character named Cesar Faison. He blew up in some sort of boat explosion, but my mom said, "he's not dead." I couldn't understand, the boat very clearly exploded while he was STANDING RIGHT ON IT! I argued this with her, but she maintained her stance that he would be alive. She was right. A few weeks later his character reappeared. Ten people can see the person's dead body, attend the funeral, and bury the person, but he'll be back. One Life to Live, I'm looking at you with Victor's "death" here, since we all know he'll be back. In the ten plus years I've been watching soap operas I have seen more "deaths" and reappearances (sometimes with new faces as well) than I can count. That is why sometimes the thought crosses my mind, what if real life worked like this? I think occasionally that my mom will walk back into my life, "oops, I've actually been alive the last four years. Those ashes you spread in California? Those were from the vacuum." I've had vivid dreams where this has happened. Sometimes they feel so real I wake up looking for my mom and calling her name. Maybe I'll hear a noise in my bathroom, pull open the shower curtain, and there she'll be using up my expensive cleanser (that's really hers). What is it Mark Twain said, "the rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated"? I never saw her pass, and how does somebody go from being completely coherent to gone in just a matter of two or three weeks? Days really. What exactly does cancer do to just shut off a person's body? I'm calling bullshit. She's been hiding out in France all this time, studying how to become a Limoges box maker. Okay, maybe not, but one can dream, right? I blame my soaps, and my mom for getting me hooked on said soaps. But if you are out there somewhere... please come back in time for the new Dallas reboot to start next summer. I miss you.

Still Takin' It Easy

I saw the Eagles last night at the new Prudential Center in Newark and it was incredible! They played for three hours, and never once seemed tired out at all. These guys are around their 60's and they've still got such an enormous stage presence and energy, it's amazing. Their talent has yet to waver.

Here's the set list:

• How Long
• Too Busy Being Fabulous
• I Don't Want To Hear Anymore
• Guilt of the Crime
• Hotel California
• Peaceful Easy Feeling
• I Can't Tell You Why
• Witchy Woman
• Lyin Eyes
• Boys of Summer
• In The City
• Long Run

intermission

• No More Walks In the Woods
• Waiting in the Weeds
• No More Cloudy Days
• Love Will Keep Us Alive
• Take It To the Limit
• Long Road Out of Eden
• Somebody
• Walk Away
• One of These Nights
• Life's Been Good
• Dirty Laundry
• Funk 49
• Heartache Tonight
• Life in the Fast Lane

1st encore

• Rocky Mountain Way
• All She Wants to Do is Dance

2nd encore

• Take It Easy
• Desperado

Our seats were pretty great. Not nearly as incredible as Hell Freezes Over (it's hard to top floor, 9th row center). We were in the first set of stadium seats- if it was a hockey game we'd be mere rows behind the players benches. I got up to dance a few times, mostly when the people in front of me were standing. Of course I danced during "All She Wants to do is Dance" mostly for my mom. I cried during "Desperado", her favorite song. Don Henley was incredible, he held that last note longer than you could imagine. I know she was there with us in spirit (in fact I'm convinced she's finally living her dream of following the Eagles on their tour), but it was still hard to experience the concert without her. Don played the drums a good part of the night (I love it when he does that), Joe Walsh is a guitar God (Glenn Frey was pretty damn good too when he had his guitar solos), the new guitarist fits in like he's been playing with the band for years (although it's still weird not to see Don Felder), and Glenn Frey made the audience feel special (as usual).

I may get to see them again on Wednesday at MSG. I'm pushing my Uncle Barry to get us backstage passes to make up for him causing us to be late in '94 and us not getting to use our backstage passes then. I'm still convinced we could have partied with the band backstage.

All in all, it's been a really wonderful weekend. I got in some beach time with Sam, and I spent today at Chez Guerra poolside. I don't think I want to go back to work this summer. I want to lounge around alllll day every day in the sun. We'll see how that works out.

Uncomfortably numb?

What a weird day. It can be traced back to this dream I had last night. I ran away to Boston (maybe this was spurred by my hour long convo with Lauren in which she strongly urged me to move up there and live with her and some of my other faves) and had this nagging feeling for a while. It turned to immense guilt and I realized I forgot to call my mom and check in with her and tell her how I was doing in Boston. I became terribly homesick very quickly. As I started to call her, and I may have even spoken to her, I realized she was gone and I couldn't call her. Then I woke up. This seems to happen everytime I don't have an opening shift at work. I have a bad dream and end up spending half the morning in bed because it's left me so dazed and... urgh forgive me... confused. Half my day is wasted and I end up rushing off to work, only to come home well after nine PM.

I actually forgot about the dream until I started attempting to gather my thoughts about ohhh... two minutes ago. Strange what comes to your fingers when you start typing. A few weeks ago I got drunk and sent a very forward text (which my phone deleted, so I can't even go back and read exactly what I wrote) to somebody I went to school with. The always lovely facebook notified me today that he's in a relationship, which means he probably was seeing this person when my text went out not that long ago. That makes me feel... weird. Maybe a little dirty. Not good dirty, but dirty dirty, like I need to clean myself of this and move onto something new dirty. If that even makes sense. It's nearly two AM, of course it doesn't make sense. The good news is that I wasn't really all that bummed. In the past when former crushes of mine have found girlfriends that are not me I'm overly emotional about this. I don't feel any upset. Either I'm so numb inside with my own grief over way bigger things or the crush wasn't even a crush, just more something to occupy my thoughts when I was bored. Like scrabulous.

Today my Aunt Ricki called me to inform me that she, Nana, and Austin were at the Rockaway Mall (why wasn't Austin in school?) and picked up a cute guy at the Apple store for me. I find it slightly scary, but moreso very hilarious. We'll see if anything actually pans out from this, but apparently he's quite cute and "just my type". Happy birthday to me? We'll see. In the meantime, all I can focus on is my trip to Boston and how much fun I'm going to have seeing my favorite people. My only fear is that I'm going to have such a great time that I won't want to leave. That coupled with the fact that there are about five different positions open at Lacoste in the Boston area makes me very nervous. I should really start heading to bed if I want to actually function tomorrow morning. Opening again. I want it to either be very busy so the time flies, or so slow that Jason sends me home ridiculously early. Either way, I don't even know what I'm wearing to work tomorrow which means I need to wake up at least five to ten minutes earlier than usual.

Goodnight moon.

Stretch... YAWWWWN

In an effort to keep up on this blog, I figured I would make an attempt at a quick post. This morning I rolled out of bad far too late and forced myself off to work. I should have known at that point it would be one of those days. Yesterday our VP came into the store while I was in the back room. It was somewhat busy and he wasn't greeted until I came out and recognized him. Apparently I looked like "I had rolled out of bed and gone off to work"- I take offense! Maybe that was true today, but yesterday I thought my hair was looking kinda cute. Regardless, he complained to our DM and she complained to my manager, and the tone for the day was set as pretty stressful. I actually had pretty great sales at least. I was JUST short of $3000 when I left. That kills me though- why couldn't I have just sold that one extra item that would have put me at the $3000 mark? I could have sold pairs of flip flops. Ten pairs of socks. Two sale polos. Jeans. A bathing suit. The list goes on. Oh well, just frustrating stuff.

I begged my way into a lunch break at 1:30, and briefly met up with a friend from college, JJ. He works right across the street from me and we just discovered this about a week ago. Unfortch both of us had ridiculously limited schedules and demanding job stuff to get back to, so it was more of a drink break than an actual lunch break. It was disheartening yet a relief to see that I'm not the only person just out of school who is exhausted and no longer a social butterfly like the good old days.

The break helped me get through the day, and the rest of the afternoon flew by. Once getting home I discovered I was WAY too exhausted to drive up to Hunter tonight. I'm going to head up tomorrow morning since the ski conditions are going to be cruddy anyways. I ended up sleeping through a Modern Marvels on the Titanic, which was actually really boring. Normally I love Modern Marvels, but tonight it just didn't do it for me. Apres ca, I watched Barbara Walters (aka my Nanny's clone) special on the British Royals. I left the special realizing how little I know/remember about British history (what's the deal with Ireland? Is Scotland independent? would Bush have given back the colonies if the queen made him?), how little I care about the Queen of England, and how lame and unrevealing the two hour special was. Time to snuggle with Gracie and force myself to read more of The Other Boleyn Girl so I can see what I'm hoping is the far superior movie. Tomorrow morning I'm heading up to Hunter for real.

A pretty funny opening for what will probably become a dark and twisted blog, only a shell of it's lighthearted and chatty predecessor- so why are you still reading? Wow, I really know how to advertise my own writing, don't I? I haven't blogged in a very long time. Too long really, I've been quite ashamed of myself. Bad Maggie. So ashamed that I can't even sleep at night. Or maybe that's the fighting cats howling near my bed. But for the sake of the already suffering blog I'll tell you it's my nightmares about not blogging anymore keeping me awake.

I'm sure you (the theoretical, is there anybody out there, reader) have a lot of questions for me in the wake of my long blogging absence. The first answer is a red Lacoste hooded cardigan, James Perse tank top, and brown cords. The second answer is working, sleeping, couch potato-ing. Any questions I haven't already and don't get a chance to address may be left in the comments section.

So today I worked open to close. It's actually not as terrible as it sounds, since Sunday is hardly your traditional 10 Am- 9 pM mall hours. I got there at 10:45 AM and clocked out at just before 6:30 PM. Still, I'm exhausted. Sundays are always tricky days, lots of non-English speaking out-of-towners, families, messes, all jam-packed into a shorter day. Usually I spend a good chunk of Sundays running around and cleaning up after the previous customer while my co-workers get to the next customer. I'm usually too tired from the week on Sundays to be on top of my selling game. Plus I'm cranky on Sundays. It's some sort of embedded thing within me that naturally believes working on a Sunday is detestable. Still, there's plenty to be proud of. We not only made our day (we were 144% to plan!), but we surpassed the $7000 stretch (the goal we make for the day in addition to plan- for example, we're $4000 short on the month right now, so I upped our goal by $2000 today, and plan on upping our daily goals throughout the week by $500-$1000 to make it up). My boss laughed at my ridiculous stretch when he called today, so tomorrow morning I will triumphantly gloat.

Working in retail I've come across so many low-lifes and detestable people that it really jades you against all of humanity. This morning a family came in and the two sons tried on jackets. Both propped the jackets on the end of the hanger rack RIGHT NEXT TO THE EMPTY HANGERS. They also looked at belts, which were carefully rolled up in a belt display, and left them unraveled in SUCH a mess. Not only one or two, but EVERY belt. EVEN THOUGH THERE WERE DUPLICATES OF THE SAME STYLE. I hope you realize that the uppercase letters means SHOUTING. I hate people like that. Then again, I had an encounter with another customer that made me want to cry (in the nice way, not the just been verbally assaulted way) after she left.

I was taking her name and address, and she told me she lives in Millburn, actually on the street directly around the corner from my house. I mentioned that I lived in Millburn, and was actually sort of still there, moving out of my house. She asked if my parents were moving, and I didn't want to lie. I didn't know exactly how to answer, so I said "my brother and I are selling my mom's house." I think that pretty much sums up what happened, and she definitely knew who we were immediately (she knows our neighbors) and gave me her sympathies and asked if I needed any help with the house. It was so touching. I'm definitely going to have to write her a really great thank you note outside of my usual "thanks for choosing to shop at our Short Hills boutique..." that I can quote in my sleep (and probably do). It just amazes me how kind people can be. It makes me feel like I'm not doing enough for the world around me. Then again, I work, I come home, eat, watch tv, and sleep. I'm definitely a waste of life. I'm sorry. Who am I apologizing to? My theoretical blog readers, my friends and family whom I let call me, and myself for wasting so many hours of my life.

Tomorrow after work I'm going skiing at Hunter. I've decided to take my crazy Nana up on her offer of a place to stay (she's right on the mountain) while I fulfill my ski lust. She'll be attempting to set me up with a republican Texan who likes to hunt, and whose father is shuddering unknowingly at the moment because his son is about to be set up with a Jewish liberal from New Jersey. Let the sparks fly!

blogging and playing with my new toy (the blackberry) at the same time, very meta

Or Maybe She Just Cries

More people feel depressed and alone during the holidays. The past few years I haven't particularly been bursting with the holiday spirit, but this year things have gotten bad. In my mind, Santa is dead. Tomorrow will be our first Christmas with my dad in over seven years. I'm sure he doesn't remember any of the traditions Ryne and I have become accustomed to, and I'm depressed as hell. I've never felt so lonely. It doesn't seem like that long ago since last Christmas when I stayed up really late talking to my mom and hanging out. I went to bed and barely woke up in time to see all the gifts Santa had left under the tree. It's just not the same and never will be.

I did get to act my age (or at least a couple years younger) tonight with some kids of friends of the family. I felt somewhat left out, but also finally like I was on the right path. Doing the wrong thing felt more right than the right thing has lately. Going to France and finding myself cannot come soon enough!! I need to get through school so I can start my quest (to find myself) as soon as possible! I'm going to start listening to French books on tape when I sleep so I absorb the language. Dr. B. would be so proud- and probably have something entirely inappropriate to add :) I kinda miss taking her French 5 class... sometimes.

I know this sounds bitter, but seeing people happy makes me sick. Not that I want their happiness to go away, I just don't feel like witnessing it. I'm bitter, and frustrated, and would probably do best to stay locked up for a bit. Or shipped off to a beach somewhere I can veg.

All I want for Christmas/belated Hanukkah-maybe Chrismukkah- isssss- I have no effing clue. But it's probably sold out.

Happy New Year!

I am incredibly lucky to be able to celebrate TWO New Years. For some reason I find January First somewhat of a let down year after year, but Rosh Hashanah- the Jewish New Year- is always filled with hope and promise for a better tomorrow. Maybe it's because one holiday is associated with family and the other with too many drunks (although in some cases it may be hard to distinguish the two).

Anyways, I had my apples and honey last night (so that I'll have a sweet New Year) and I have another day of family celebrations ahead of me. I plan on being as good as I possibly can this week so that when the Book of Life closes I will have a great year ahead of me. With the new job at Lacoste it's already shaping up to be a good year!

This may seem like a non-sequitor, but I've been thinking about the past a lot lately. It seems like just yesterday I was celebrating the New Year out on Long Island with the whole clan, going to my grandparent's temple, and playing with all the other little kids while the adults were upstairs standing and sitting for a few hours. I came across a whole batch of these on YouTube today, and I thought I'd share one of my favorites.



This is from a 1988 PBS pledge drive, which explains the many celebrities of the time making cameos. The celebrities, in order of appearance: John Candy (as Yosh Schmenge from SCTV), Andrea Martin (as Edith Prickley from SCTV), New York Mets Keith Hernandez & Mookie Wilson, Jane Curtin (of SNL and Kate & Allie), Madeline Kahn, Joe Williams, Paul Reubens (as Pee Wee Herman), Ladysmith Black Mambazo, Wynton Marsalis, Celia Cruz, Ihtzak Perlman, Gordon Jackson & Jean Marsh (as Angus Hudson and Rose Buck of Upstairs Downstairs), Paul Simon, Jeremy Irons, Pete Seeger, Rhea Perlman and Danny Devito, and NY Giants Sean Landeta, Mark Ingram, Karl Nelson and Carl Banks.

I could use a hug...

So this is the last assigned blog entry. Not to say that I don't plan on continuing this blog (so you better keep reading!!!) but it's the last time that I have to write an entry. This will actually be my last finished class. Creepy. Unfortunately I have a handful of essays to write, a few art drawings to complete tomorrow, a Shakespeare final to prepare for, and an Oceanography final that I'm praying to get at least a B on, but that's not looking so positive right now.

It seems somewhat appropriate that the one thing I've been discussing throughout the semester is the coming of graduation. I still have another semester left, but to me this still feels like the end. My friends are moving on, I'm leaving the safe little bubble that is my sorority life, and in a way starting fresh in the fall. I'm terrified. Unfortunately this has spilled into my current life. I have a tendency of self-destruction when I'm dreading moving on. I've fallen behind in my work and have started having increased anxiety over... pretty much everything.

Last week I had somewhat of a Seinfeld-esque moment when I acted like George and did the opposite of what I would normally do. On the down side I was a bitch to one of my good friends. We're cool now, but I still feel pretty bad about it. On the up side I got a kick playing against my usual type, and embracing some inner-self confidence I didn't really know I had. It was definitely a self-esteem boost. Like George, acting as my opposite self seemed to be more positive than negative, I just need to be more careful how I use it, so that people don't get hurt in the future. Who knows, maybe a whole new Maggie is in store for next semester. Or at least a slightly more matured post-Europe Maggie. You never know.

This weekend I went home to celebrate Mother's Day. On the one hand I didn't want to go back to school. I wanted to stay with my family, continue to hang out with my parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. On the other hand all I could think about was that I was missing the last weekend of spring semester with my friends, and how much I already missed them. Being away for a weekend can feel like forever sometimes. I will definitely have tremendous separation anxiety two weeks from now (not to mention next semester). Tonight we had a ceremony that made us officially alumni(nae?) of our sorority. I had been looking forward to it for a few years, but instead it felt like somebody punched me in the gut. Or perhaps my bubble bursting. Either way, it was extremely depressing. I will probably be a bawling wreck on graduation. Note to self: do not wear mascara.

I hope everybody who has been reading this enjoyed the blog so far. I will be keeping up with it as much as possible. I hope you continue to read as I go home and work work work in preparation for France, and espcially when I start blogging FROM France. I hope to have many exciting stories and pictures to share.

And yes, if you see me, I could use a hug.

A Very Busy Weekend Part Un

What a busy weekend! It pretty much started Thursday evening when I went to McMurphy's with the ladies (Cobb, Kath, Sam, Katy, Lauren H). On our way there we were talking about the "free cash Thursdays" a raffle McMurphy's has been doing since Spring Break. I suggested that if one of us won we buy the rest of the group a round of drinks. Sure enough, Katy won! I screamed. It was pretty exciting. Katy was supposed to win $30 but they accidentally gave her $40. The night was pretty much amazing all around.

The next day I managed to roll out of bed and off to my 11:15 discussion on time. At noon I had my second meeting for my trip to France. I'm SO ridiculously excited for this trip. It's going to be absolutely incredible. We picked out the rooming for the trip, as well. I had the choice of a single, double, or one triple. The triple is the biggest room in the villa we're staying in. It's got a giant balcony (as you can see in the picture) and is the room that everybody wants to come hang out in. I made friends with the two girls who were asking to be put in the triple, and am now going to be living with them this summer! I'm not worried at all about living in a triple, I've lived in mutliple triples at Alpha Chi and even a FIVE and loved it. I think this will be a blast. And the balcony is GORGEOUS. I cannot wait to live there! This summer is going to be amazing. I think I've said that a number of times, but the level of my excitement is through the roof. I'm going to be a wreck at the airport, I'll probably be bouncing off the walls. Just the fact that the trip is a little over a month away makes me squeal. I can't even write this entry without grinning!

Friday night we (Kate, Lauren H, Katy, Sam, Kath, Cobb) decided to get our dance on, and broke out of our McMurphy's comfort bubble and went to the Pub. For some reason there was no cover fee (nice!) and the dance floor was open. It's become quite obvious that guys seem to ignore my friends and I when we stand in a circle, so we attempted to spread out into groups of two or three. It was quite successful. There were some cute guys who came over to dance with all of us. I was mostly excited about the rockstar look I had, thanks to my dance instructor, Katy doing double duty and styling my hair. It looked so cool! We had a great time. Unfortunately, we had also decided to attend sigep's final frat party for old time's sake. It was pretty lame, and even weirder that most of the younger brothers didn't recognize us. All in all lots of awkwardness. What are you gonna do? We ended up leaving on the earlier side, not before making fun of skanky freshman girls of course. If you're looking to find the fakest baked, short skirt wearing, thong-hanging out, dancing on table (sometimes without underwear) whores then a frat party is the place to go. It's kind of like watching a train wreck. You're disgusted and try looking away, but part of you is just so fascinated you have to turn and watch.

Saturday I went to the mall with Cobb and Lauren H on a mission to get a striped cotton dress from Victoria's Secret Pink and maybe some shorts. I couldn't find the dress in my size, but I did stumble upon some really cute AF shorts on sale. They're perfect for France!!! We had to race back to Amherst because my cousin Austin texted me that his train was actually running on time (not late as he had previously told me). I picked him up at the station and hung out at the house for a little while until we joined the gang for Chili's.

Austin was here for the weekend to check out UMass/party with me. He's 17 but definitely a lot wilder than myself. My family had bets going on which one of us would corrupt the other more this weekend. Being the good cousin I am, I purchased two forties for him and let him mix me some drinks while I found a party for us to attend. Mindy's friend was having a party on Kellog St, just around the corner from the center of town. The party was a little empty at first, but picked up rather quickly, to the point where the rooms were bursting with people. I lost Austin a few times, and was a little nervous. My friend Jen told me I looked like the girl in "Can't Hardly Wait" looking for her friend the whole night. I was making sure he wasn't wandering off, getting lost, or stealing stuff (like the rice cake seen in that picture). Still, even with all my worrying it was a great time. Austin and I bonded, caught up on family back home, and even won a game of beruit. I bumped into a fellow blogger, and an old high school classmate. And people say UMass is huge. PSssshhh! Austin and I walked over to Antonio's at about 1:45, got some pizza, and rejoined the party. Unfortunately, he was pretty exhausted so shortly after we walked back to my house. As I was heading into Sam's room to recap her and Kathleen on the night, Austin wandered past me and went into my friend's room, thinking it was mine. OOPS! Yeah, I guess he was pretty drunk at that point. He woke up a very sleep deprived Dubs, who was not as amused as the rest of my friends. I sent Austin to the correct room while I spoke with my friends. Kathleen decided that she wants to marry Austin- he's "gorgeous". He's also 5 1/2 years younger than her, so I found it pretty amusing.

Oh my, this blog is SO LONG! I'll have to recap the second half of the weekend (which was a little more relaxed) in my next entry. I don't want this to look TOO convoluted!

Don't Worry... Be Happy

Wow, so I sound like a spoiled brat in my last post. I didn't mean to, I think it's hard to explain something that sounds good on the surface, but is filled with frustration and hurt deep down. I know I'm not a brat because my entire extended family feels this way. I think we all just want things to go back to the way they were. It's impossible to go back in time, though, so I guess it's just important to make the best of what we have now, and (as Kevin stressed in his comment) be happy. I am happy, I've got a pretty good thing going for me with the whole traveling to Europe this summer and all, but everytime I come home from a visit with my grandmother I always feel a flood of angst come over me. Hence the terribly angsty post.

But I have a LOT to say about what I've been up to, unfortunately I haven't eaten a single thing yet and if I don't get some real food this box of cookies in front of me will soon disappear. mmm... cookies... Okay, mind out of the gutter, time to eat. All new Veronica Mars tonight! WHOOHOOOO! Now that's something that makes me very happy!

Tea with the Queen

Am I selling my love for clothing? As an opening sentence, that sounds pretty dirty and terrible, but it's not as bad as you think. This all goes back to the earlier blogging days when we were told to discuss our families, so this part is kind of complex, try to stay with me, okay?

My dad's stepmother was more of a grandmother to me than my actual paternal grandmother. When I was a kid I LOVED spending time with my Nanny and Poppop. My grandfather was one of the greatest people EVER. If you met him, I'm sure you would have agreed in a heartbeat. I used to stay with them for the weekend sometimes, and the trips would end with a visit to Toys 'R Us where I would usually get a Barbie or some other sort of doll that my parents had decided I didn't need. But isn't this what all grandparents do? That's not why I looked forward to spending time with them, though. I would've been just as happy to be with them without the toy store trip as I was with it. In fact, once I was out of the toy store phase in middle/high school I did just spend time with them, no gifts included, and still had a wonderful time. Not to say that there weren't the occasional shopping trips.

At the end of my junior year of high school my Poppop passed away due to cancer, which was pretty heartbreaking for the entire family. After that, visits with my Nanny would include a meal, and sometimes shopping. It was usually for one special item. Within one year she was set up with a rich old man from the city, and suddenly the shopping trips were getting ritzier and ritzier. By my sophomore year of college (that's less than three years for anybody keeping track), my Nanny was married. Her husband's wife had died just months prior to them meeting (or so the family rumors are). She now lives the life of a Manhattan socialite. Going to shows multiple times a week, having a driver, living in one of the ritziest buildings on Park Ave (no guest room), private jet, and of course the homes in Boca (still not invited) and Purchase (the country). It's not very grandchild friendly. Well... his grandchildren she sees much more, and apparently dotes on them so as to buy their love. His kids are not very warm to her, so might as well win over the grandchildren, right?

In the meantime, those of us across the Hudson in my family only see my Nanny for brief visits. These visits include an expensive meal (the entree in my lunch today cost more than my most expensive dinners out with my friends in Amherst for the whole meal) and usually a shopping trip to an expensive store. My personal favorite is Bergdorf's. My friends roll their eyes when I come home from a visit with designer jeans, head to toe new outfits (to be fair I'm never dressed "appropriately" for going out to dinner with her husband, so she needs to re-clothe me), and expensive shoes. Honestly, I would gladly trade in every single amazing thing I've been given for even another HOUR in my old life, but I figure I might as well take advantage of what I'm being given. My brother gets a twenty passed on from me, and a promise to be seen soon. And every now and then a Broadway show.

I'm not a bitter person, I'm more... disappointed. So anyways, that leads me back to the weirdness I feel from today. I came home for the weekend to celebrate the 22nd, and my grandmother insisted I come in for a few hours. I spent a half an hour being shown the real Picasso's, real Chagall (are you sure I know how to spell it?), and various other artists that make me drool to be up close to a real painting. What do you think her husband would say if I asked him to throw a couple hundred thousand my mom's way so she could pay off her house? Hmmm... So then we went for the delicious, but expensive lunch, where I saw many facelifted ladies, and listened to friends of my grandmother's stop and compare when they got home from Boca. Then we went for a walk down 3rd Avenue where my Nanny had the managers at Victoria's Secret bring out a folding chair for her husband to sit on while I quickly picked out some loungewear for my trip to France. We then walked to Scoop, a store I love but cannot afford, where her husband insisted he buy me a pair of white terry shorts. They were gorgeous, and the offer was one of his kindest moments to me, but I felt very off after the purchase. Hours later, I'm starting to feel dirty. I gave affection for Tory Burch. It's not that I don't like him, I just... I don't dislike him... My grandmother was looking for contentment, she already had a great love in her life. I don't feel any anger towards her husband, I just feel like she kind of sold her soul to live this new life. It's just that he doesn't radiate warmth, and that's kind of hard for me to deal with. I guess that's why I feel so weird that the first time he really seemed extremely warm was through buying me these shorts.

Hmmm, this may be the first blog that I edit later on. I can't decide. Until I get back to school, done with classes, and done with hw for the day to log back on again, I'll leave you with a picture of my radiant face this warm spring afternoon :)

Ryne and I preparing our Mother's Day Gift

I'm REALLY into leather now. Tell Mom.

I need to write a paper for my Shakespeare class, so OF COURSE I'm writing on here instead. One of the best ways to procrastinate is by checking my email. My crazy Nana sent me an email that consisted of only the subject and a picture. The subject line read: "Your grandparents latest" along with this picture:


Yes, apparently my Nana has joined a biker gang. She's seventy-something and skis, which is quite impressive, but this just takes the cake. Let me give you a little history on my Nana. She's married (husband #4) to a very cranky man whose catch phrase is "Goddammit Iris!" I can just picture them riding on this, their golden retriever Jake (who goes everywhere with them) holding on as well with him shouting "GODDAMMIT IRIS!!!!" Okay, I'm cracking up right now, and my brother is probably asleep, so this is my outlet. Please tell me if you find this humorous in anyway.

The original point of my post (before being distracted by the craziness that is quite scarily my blood relative) was to make a bit of a to-do list for my upcoming weekend. I figure I'll check back in on Monday and see how much of it was accomplished.

At 12:30pm tomorrow I will be departing for NJ. This time one of my sisters is coming with me so I don't have to drive alone and strain my vocal chords once again. She'll be hopping on a train to NYC to see a boyf while I get my windshield replaced. And when it rains it pours, as soon as my car had a passenger another girl I once drove home forever ago has also asked for a ride. This is great because she's being very generous and giving me gas money. So first I'm stopping in NORTH NORTH NORTH Jersey (pretty much borderline NY) and I hope to get back on 287 without getting lost, because last time it took me an hour to figure out my way home (although in all fairness it was dark that time and I was still a more novice driver). The next stop is Randolph, NJ where both my dad and his friendly neighborhood mechanic reside. I'm leaving the Magmobile to have the windshield replaced so the car can pass inspection. The only problem is that Lindsey needs to get to NYC from Millburn, where my mom lives. I will be left carless in Randolph, so I guess that means I'll have to borrow one of my dad's cars.

Let's see.... while I will never complain about borrowing his BMW 5 series, he has apparently had a second midlife crisis and traded in the 1980 Porsche for a 2007 BMW Z4. I'm not sure how else this crisis will work since he can't exactly leave his wife and kids a second time. Oops, do I sound bitter? I digress, let's talk cars more. 5-speed, black exterior, red leather interior, hotness. I think my coolness factor would go up majorly if I was spotted driving that. Of course, I'll need to match the car, so I think a quick shopping trip is in store. I'll need a black leather mini skirt, cool black sunglasses, thigh high black leather boots, and hair extensions so my long flowy hair can wave in the wind. In my crazy procrastinating mood I drew a GLORIOUS picture on paint that I will let you wait til the end to see.

So... besides looking freaking awesome in my butt-kicking spy gear and car (yes I'm assuming I will get my greedy little paws on it), here are my other plans for the weekend...

• Take Lindsey to the train station, make sure to put her on correct train
  
• Reunite with my mom and kitty Gracie
• Complete assigned artwork so I have no homework to do Tuesday night
• Eat my FAVORITE pizza, Randazzo's
• Avoid shopping with my mom, but eventually give in. This means we'll look at expensive things that she'll urge me to buy with my own money. At some point I'll give in and probably buy some Marc Jacobs item that I cannot afford to add to my overstuffed closet.
  
• Do laundry
• Not fight with my brother, Ryne. Maybe bond over that crazy picture of my Nana and how crazy she is.
• Get new driver's license (kind of embarrassing story I'll post at some point)
• Get car reinspected with new windshield as early as possible so I don't wait on line FOREVER
• Steal bottled water and snacks
• Beg for spare change from my dad, will mostly likely receive a twenty
  

Oh, and did I mention the laundry? Can't forget the FREE laundry.

Also, if you know where the quote from the subject line came from I might just love you forever.