If you Wubba me then I will Wubba you

It's amazing how I've probably gone AT LEAST ten years since hearing this song (if we're being realistic it's closer to fifteen-twenty) and it came to me out of the blue. So of course I youtubed it. And of course it was there. So let's all sing along...

Uncomfortably numb?

What a weird day. It can be traced back to this dream I had last night. I ran away to Boston (maybe this was spurred by my hour long convo with Lauren in which she strongly urged me to move up there and live with her and some of my other faves) and had this nagging feeling for a while. It turned to immense guilt and I realized I forgot to call my mom and check in with her and tell her how I was doing in Boston. I became terribly homesick very quickly. As I started to call her, and I may have even spoken to her, I realized she was gone and I couldn't call her. Then I woke up. This seems to happen everytime I don't have an opening shift at work. I have a bad dream and end up spending half the morning in bed because it's left me so dazed and... urgh forgive me... confused. Half my day is wasted and I end up rushing off to work, only to come home well after nine PM.

I actually forgot about the dream until I started attempting to gather my thoughts about ohhh... two minutes ago. Strange what comes to your fingers when you start typing. A few weeks ago I got drunk and sent a very forward text (which my phone deleted, so I can't even go back and read exactly what I wrote) to somebody I went to school with. The always lovely facebook notified me today that he's in a relationship, which means he probably was seeing this person when my text went out not that long ago. That makes me feel... weird. Maybe a little dirty. Not good dirty, but dirty dirty, like I need to clean myself of this and move onto something new dirty. If that even makes sense. It's nearly two AM, of course it doesn't make sense. The good news is that I wasn't really all that bummed. In the past when former crushes of mine have found girlfriends that are not me I'm overly emotional about this. I don't feel any upset. Either I'm so numb inside with my own grief over way bigger things or the crush wasn't even a crush, just more something to occupy my thoughts when I was bored. Like scrabulous.

Today my Aunt Ricki called me to inform me that she, Nana, and Austin were at the Rockaway Mall (why wasn't Austin in school?) and picked up a cute guy at the Apple store for me. I find it slightly scary, but moreso very hilarious. We'll see if anything actually pans out from this, but apparently he's quite cute and "just my type". Happy birthday to me? We'll see. In the meantime, all I can focus on is my trip to Boston and how much fun I'm going to have seeing my favorite people. My only fear is that I'm going to have such a great time that I won't want to leave. That coupled with the fact that there are about five different positions open at Lacoste in the Boston area makes me very nervous. I should really start heading to bed if I want to actually function tomorrow morning. Opening again. I want it to either be very busy so the time flies, or so slow that Jason sends me home ridiculously early. Either way, I don't even know what I'm wearing to work tomorrow which means I need to wake up at least five to ten minutes earlier than usual.

Goodnight moon.

Sadly dead on...

THE WINDOW SHOPPER


Loving, hopeful, open. Likely to carry on an romance from afar. You are The Window Shopper.

You take love as opportunities come, which can lead to a high-anxiety, but high-flying romantic life. You're a genuinely sweet person, not saccharine at all, so it's likely that the relationships you have had and will have will be happy ones. You've had a fair amount of love experience for your age, and there'll be much more to come.

Part of why we know this is that, of all female types, you are the most prone to sudden, ferocious crushes. Your results indicate that you're especially capable of obsessing over a guy you just met. Obviously, passion like this makes for an intense existence. It can also make for soul-destroying letdowns.

Your ideal match is someone who'll love you back with equal fire, and someone you've grown to love slowly. A self-involved or pessimistic man is especially bad. Though you're drawn to them, avoid artists at all costs.


Your exact female opposite:

The Stiletto
Deliberate Brutal Sex Master

Always avoid: The Hornivore

Consider: The Gentleman, The Loverboy, The Boy Next Door

Stretch... YAWWWWN

In an effort to keep up on this blog, I figured I would make an attempt at a quick post. This morning I rolled out of bad far too late and forced myself off to work. I should have known at that point it would be one of those days. Yesterday our VP came into the store while I was in the back room. It was somewhat busy and he wasn't greeted until I came out and recognized him. Apparently I looked like "I had rolled out of bed and gone off to work"- I take offense! Maybe that was true today, but yesterday I thought my hair was looking kinda cute. Regardless, he complained to our DM and she complained to my manager, and the tone for the day was set as pretty stressful. I actually had pretty great sales at least. I was JUST short of $3000 when I left. That kills me though- why couldn't I have just sold that one extra item that would have put me at the $3000 mark? I could have sold pairs of flip flops. Ten pairs of socks. Two sale polos. Jeans. A bathing suit. The list goes on. Oh well, just frustrating stuff.

I begged my way into a lunch break at 1:30, and briefly met up with a friend from college, JJ. He works right across the street from me and we just discovered this about a week ago. Unfortch both of us had ridiculously limited schedules and demanding job stuff to get back to, so it was more of a drink break than an actual lunch break. It was disheartening yet a relief to see that I'm not the only person just out of school who is exhausted and no longer a social butterfly like the good old days.

The break helped me get through the day, and the rest of the afternoon flew by. Once getting home I discovered I was WAY too exhausted to drive up to Hunter tonight. I'm going to head up tomorrow morning since the ski conditions are going to be cruddy anyways. I ended up sleeping through a Modern Marvels on the Titanic, which was actually really boring. Normally I love Modern Marvels, but tonight it just didn't do it for me. Apres ca, I watched Barbara Walters (aka my Nanny's clone) special on the British Royals. I left the special realizing how little I know/remember about British history (what's the deal with Ireland? Is Scotland independent? would Bush have given back the colonies if the queen made him?), how little I care about the Queen of England, and how lame and unrevealing the two hour special was. Time to snuggle with Gracie and force myself to read more of The Other Boleyn Girl so I can see what I'm hoping is the far superior movie. Tomorrow morning I'm heading up to Hunter for real.

A pretty funny opening for what will probably become a dark and twisted blog, only a shell of it's lighthearted and chatty predecessor- so why are you still reading? Wow, I really know how to advertise my own writing, don't I? I haven't blogged in a very long time. Too long really, I've been quite ashamed of myself. Bad Maggie. So ashamed that I can't even sleep at night. Or maybe that's the fighting cats howling near my bed. But for the sake of the already suffering blog I'll tell you it's my nightmares about not blogging anymore keeping me awake.

I'm sure you (the theoretical, is there anybody out there, reader) have a lot of questions for me in the wake of my long blogging absence. The first answer is a red Lacoste hooded cardigan, James Perse tank top, and brown cords. The second answer is working, sleeping, couch potato-ing. Any questions I haven't already and don't get a chance to address may be left in the comments section.

So today I worked open to close. It's actually not as terrible as it sounds, since Sunday is hardly your traditional 10 Am- 9 pM mall hours. I got there at 10:45 AM and clocked out at just before 6:30 PM. Still, I'm exhausted. Sundays are always tricky days, lots of non-English speaking out-of-towners, families, messes, all jam-packed into a shorter day. Usually I spend a good chunk of Sundays running around and cleaning up after the previous customer while my co-workers get to the next customer. I'm usually too tired from the week on Sundays to be on top of my selling game. Plus I'm cranky on Sundays. It's some sort of embedded thing within me that naturally believes working on a Sunday is detestable. Still, there's plenty to be proud of. We not only made our day (we were 144% to plan!), but we surpassed the $7000 stretch (the goal we make for the day in addition to plan- for example, we're $4000 short on the month right now, so I upped our goal by $2000 today, and plan on upping our daily goals throughout the week by $500-$1000 to make it up). My boss laughed at my ridiculous stretch when he called today, so tomorrow morning I will triumphantly gloat.

Working in retail I've come across so many low-lifes and detestable people that it really jades you against all of humanity. This morning a family came in and the two sons tried on jackets. Both propped the jackets on the end of the hanger rack RIGHT NEXT TO THE EMPTY HANGERS. They also looked at belts, which were carefully rolled up in a belt display, and left them unraveled in SUCH a mess. Not only one or two, but EVERY belt. EVEN THOUGH THERE WERE DUPLICATES OF THE SAME STYLE. I hope you realize that the uppercase letters means SHOUTING. I hate people like that. Then again, I had an encounter with another customer that made me want to cry (in the nice way, not the just been verbally assaulted way) after she left.

I was taking her name and address, and she told me she lives in Millburn, actually on the street directly around the corner from my house. I mentioned that I lived in Millburn, and was actually sort of still there, moving out of my house. She asked if my parents were moving, and I didn't want to lie. I didn't know exactly how to answer, so I said "my brother and I are selling my mom's house." I think that pretty much sums up what happened, and she definitely knew who we were immediately (she knows our neighbors) and gave me her sympathies and asked if I needed any help with the house. It was so touching. I'm definitely going to have to write her a really great thank you note outside of my usual "thanks for choosing to shop at our Short Hills boutique..." that I can quote in my sleep (and probably do). It just amazes me how kind people can be. It makes me feel like I'm not doing enough for the world around me. Then again, I work, I come home, eat, watch tv, and sleep. I'm definitely a waste of life. I'm sorry. Who am I apologizing to? My theoretical blog readers, my friends and family whom I let call me, and myself for wasting so many hours of my life.

Tomorrow after work I'm going skiing at Hunter. I've decided to take my crazy Nana up on her offer of a place to stay (she's right on the mountain) while I fulfill my ski lust. She'll be attempting to set me up with a republican Texan who likes to hunt, and whose father is shuddering unknowingly at the moment because his son is about to be set up with a Jewish liberal from New Jersey. Let the sparks fly!

blogging and playing with my new toy (the blackberry) at the same time, very meta

Or Maybe She Just Cries

More people feel depressed and alone during the holidays. The past few years I haven't particularly been bursting with the holiday spirit, but this year things have gotten bad. In my mind, Santa is dead. Tomorrow will be our first Christmas with my dad in over seven years. I'm sure he doesn't remember any of the traditions Ryne and I have become accustomed to, and I'm depressed as hell. I've never felt so lonely. It doesn't seem like that long ago since last Christmas when I stayed up really late talking to my mom and hanging out. I went to bed and barely woke up in time to see all the gifts Santa had left under the tree. It's just not the same and never will be.

I did get to act my age (or at least a couple years younger) tonight with some kids of friends of the family. I felt somewhat left out, but also finally like I was on the right path. Doing the wrong thing felt more right than the right thing has lately. Going to France and finding myself cannot come soon enough!! I need to get through school so I can start my quest (to find myself) as soon as possible! I'm going to start listening to French books on tape when I sleep so I absorb the language. Dr. B. would be so proud- and probably have something entirely inappropriate to add :) I kinda miss taking her French 5 class... sometimes.

I know this sounds bitter, but seeing people happy makes me sick. Not that I want their happiness to go away, I just don't feel like witnessing it. I'm bitter, and frustrated, and would probably do best to stay locked up for a bit. Or shipped off to a beach somewhere I can veg.

All I want for Christmas/belated Hanukkah-maybe Chrismukkah- isssss- I have no effing clue. But it's probably sold out.

I am not alone

I am TOO excited for the Sex and the City Movie!!!



I'm about to have a SatC style shopping spree (at some of Carrie's favorite haunts, no less) thanks to the abundance of unworn, still tagged clothing my mom left me. It would be more fun if she was actually there FOR the shopping spree. But then I guess if she was then there wouldn't be a chance for such a spree. Talk about Catch-22's. I think. I'm pretty sure that's the right concept. My brain's been a bit fried as of late. Either way, I'd much prefer to have my mom over some fantastic clothing. I miss her more at night and during quiet moments of contemplation. As an introvert you can imagine this is highly frequent and highly painful.

When people ask me how I'm doing, I honestly don't know how to answer. Sometimes I'm more miserable than I know what to do with, and other times I'm distracted enough to temporarily forget. Work is a great time for me. TV is a great time for me (F-YOU WRITERS STRIKE!!! Stupid producers need to fold already!) and movies are great too. Discussion of TV and movies is painful. I want to get on with life, but I don't know where to begin. If I go out and get drunk will I have an embarrassing meltdown? Am I too emotionally fragile to date?

At the same time I feel an inner strength- or maybe stubbornness that gets me through the day. Keeps me wanting to shop, trying to eat, forcing myself to sleep. Other times I think it's just denial. I will get through this.

Please listen to The Eagles' song "You Are Not Alone" by Glenn Frey. I'm pretty sure it was written just for me. I try to listen to it everyday. I have amazing friends, and I just hope they know that they're going to have to keep pushing their way into my life, because I really don't have the energy to keep up with them. Sorry. I'm trying.

Also, try to ignore the Glenn Frey photo montage, I don't know how to post music other than YouTube videos, so I recommend just listening to the song while browsing instead. But please listen.