The Dating Game

After college it gets harder and harder to meet people (esp guys) your own age. Sports leagues can be fun, but after your sport is over people sometimes wander off and become busy again. Working in a pediatric office, the only guys I come across are teenage patients and people's fathers. Neither of those are viable options. Ick. There was a really cute drug rep once, but he was redistricted before I got a chance to really get to know him. I keep telling them to hire a cute, single, male doc, but apparently it's illegal to hire people specifically with those requirements. HMPH, LAWS. I always hear about people going to singles events in Hoboken and NYC, so when I saw a sign for one in Tart and Tufo I decided to sign right up!

Tonight's event was supposed to be "The Dating Game". When I called to RSVP they asked for my age, and then asked if I would like to be a contestant. Ready for an adventure, I said sure! Super excited, I rushed home, blew out my hair (which takes forever and a ton of patience), and did some really killer makeup. I was looking pretty nice after all that effort!

I got to Pazzo Pazzo and was greeted by the event coordinators, two women in their late fifties (at least). One of them looked just like Patricia Clarkson, which I found interesting. That was probably the only interesting part of the night... I arrived right on time, and thought maybe the rest of the young people were running late. There were two other men there, both in their late fifties to early sixties and another woman, also older. Another guy walked in, closer to my age at maybe late thirties, early forties. Still, no young people. I talked to one of the older guys, still looking around for the other young'ns to walk in. They set up the "stage" for the gameshow. There weren't even enough people there to play the game show. As I snacked on some appetizers, Patricia Clarkson asked if we minded waiting another twenty minutes for more people to arrive. I really hoped she meant the whole crowd of twenty-somethings.

I was talking to the "younger" guy, who was majorly into the fact that he's a landlord, desperately waiting for the real party to get started. Since I despise landlords right now, it wasn't really the most exciting topic for me. We spoke about a few of the restaurants in Morristown, but somehow it went back to real estate, and the latest place he bought. I couldn't figure out his age, until he told me a story about a bartender he was friendly with, who figured out he had been serving this guy for nearly thirty years. Even if this guy started getting into bars and drinking at FIFTEEN he was still way too old for me. To me, dating an older guy means dating somebody in their early thirties. HELLO I'M NOT THAT OLD! Even worse, people tell me I look like I'm a teenager, so weren't these coordinators a little confused when I showed up? Meanwhile, two women walked in who were most likely in their sixties.

"Question one: what do you do in your spare time?"
Bachelor #1- "I keep up my properties around the area. Did I mention I'm a landlord for several properties?"

The event started, and a guy dressed in seventies garb did "The Dating Game" trivia, which I had no idea of, since I wasn't alive in the seventies. The kind of trivia that you had to be there to know, rather than see a few clips here and there, and maybe an episode once or twice on GSN during a sick day before onDemand was created. I was starting to panic, since I didn't want to be courted by guys older than my dad and the landlord. As it is, the host tried to get me to give my number out. He chatted up the ladies who arrived late. What are they doing this weekend? Visiting their grandchildren.

"Question two: where do you like to go on vacation?"
Bachelor #2- "I spend my winters in Boca."

Was I going to have to go out on a date with one of these guys? I texted Kathy "Everybody is old. Get me out of here." Kathy texted me and told me to get out of there ASAP, feel no guilt. I couldn't figure out a polite way to do so. At my request, she called me up on the phone. "Are you okay?! OMG, calm down, calm down, I'm coming now!" I said into the phone. I said to the coordinator "I HAVE TO pick up my friend, she's having an emergency, she needs me." "Will you be coming back?" she asked. "I'll try my best! I don't know..." and I ran out. RAN. I felt guilty leaving the landlord in the dust, and the game without a bachelorette, but I didn't owe anybody there anything. I think Patricia Clarkson and partner owe ME $15. So here goes- NEVER EVER USE MORRIS COUNTY SINGLES.

"Question three- do you like to ski?"
Bachelor #3- "I used to go with my grandkids, but since my hip replacement I haven't been able to."

I was there for about an hour and a half, but it was so awful I'd swear it was at least three hours. I was just so disappointed. I had high hopes for the night, and so did every single person I mentioned the event to. Not one person said, hey do you think it'll only be a bunch of old people? I don't think I was jumping to a crazy conclusion, was I? If you were the coordinator, would you warn a 26 year old girl that not a single person her age had RSVP'd? Where does that fall on the business ethics scale?

Luckily, dodgeball starts up again in October. I'll be exposed to more people my own age again, and maybe even some eligible bachelors. I won't get to be a contestant on the dating show, but at least I'll be mingling with people who may be in the same peer circles as my grandmothers.

*the questions may have been exaggerated ideas in my head, since I ran away before they started the game

Uncomfortably numb?

What a weird day. It can be traced back to this dream I had last night. I ran away to Boston (maybe this was spurred by my hour long convo with Lauren in which she strongly urged me to move up there and live with her and some of my other faves) and had this nagging feeling for a while. It turned to immense guilt and I realized I forgot to call my mom and check in with her and tell her how I was doing in Boston. I became terribly homesick very quickly. As I started to call her, and I may have even spoken to her, I realized she was gone and I couldn't call her. Then I woke up. This seems to happen everytime I don't have an opening shift at work. I have a bad dream and end up spending half the morning in bed because it's left me so dazed and... urgh forgive me... confused. Half my day is wasted and I end up rushing off to work, only to come home well after nine PM.

I actually forgot about the dream until I started attempting to gather my thoughts about ohhh... two minutes ago. Strange what comes to your fingers when you start typing. A few weeks ago I got drunk and sent a very forward text (which my phone deleted, so I can't even go back and read exactly what I wrote) to somebody I went to school with. The always lovely facebook notified me today that he's in a relationship, which means he probably was seeing this person when my text went out not that long ago. That makes me feel... weird. Maybe a little dirty. Not good dirty, but dirty dirty, like I need to clean myself of this and move onto something new dirty. If that even makes sense. It's nearly two AM, of course it doesn't make sense. The good news is that I wasn't really all that bummed. In the past when former crushes of mine have found girlfriends that are not me I'm overly emotional about this. I don't feel any upset. Either I'm so numb inside with my own grief over way bigger things or the crush wasn't even a crush, just more something to occupy my thoughts when I was bored. Like scrabulous.

Today my Aunt Ricki called me to inform me that she, Nana, and Austin were at the Rockaway Mall (why wasn't Austin in school?) and picked up a cute guy at the Apple store for me. I find it slightly scary, but moreso very hilarious. We'll see if anything actually pans out from this, but apparently he's quite cute and "just my type". Happy birthday to me? We'll see. In the meantime, all I can focus on is my trip to Boston and how much fun I'm going to have seeing my favorite people. My only fear is that I'm going to have such a great time that I won't want to leave. That coupled with the fact that there are about five different positions open at Lacoste in the Boston area makes me very nervous. I should really start heading to bed if I want to actually function tomorrow morning. Opening again. I want it to either be very busy so the time flies, or so slow that Jason sends me home ridiculously early. Either way, I don't even know what I'm wearing to work tomorrow which means I need to wake up at least five to ten minutes earlier than usual.

Goodnight moon.

Sadly dead on...

THE WINDOW SHOPPER


Loving, hopeful, open. Likely to carry on an romance from afar. You are The Window Shopper.

You take love as opportunities come, which can lead to a high-anxiety, but high-flying romantic life. You're a genuinely sweet person, not saccharine at all, so it's likely that the relationships you have had and will have will be happy ones. You've had a fair amount of love experience for your age, and there'll be much more to come.

Part of why we know this is that, of all female types, you are the most prone to sudden, ferocious crushes. Your results indicate that you're especially capable of obsessing over a guy you just met. Obviously, passion like this makes for an intense existence. It can also make for soul-destroying letdowns.

Your ideal match is someone who'll love you back with equal fire, and someone you've grown to love slowly. A self-involved or pessimistic man is especially bad. Though you're drawn to them, avoid artists at all costs.


Your exact female opposite:

The Stiletto
Deliberate Brutal Sex Master

Always avoid: The Hornivore

Consider: The Gentleman, The Loverboy, The Boy Next Door