Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Or Maybe She Just Cries

More people feel depressed and alone during the holidays. The past few years I haven't particularly been bursting with the holiday spirit, but this year things have gotten bad. In my mind, Santa is dead. Tomorrow will be our first Christmas with my dad in over seven years. I'm sure he doesn't remember any of the traditions Ryne and I have become accustomed to, and I'm depressed as hell. I've never felt so lonely. It doesn't seem like that long ago since last Christmas when I stayed up really late talking to my mom and hanging out. I went to bed and barely woke up in time to see all the gifts Santa had left under the tree. It's just not the same and never will be.

I did get to act my age (or at least a couple years younger) tonight with some kids of friends of the family. I felt somewhat left out, but also finally like I was on the right path. Doing the wrong thing felt more right than the right thing has lately. Going to France and finding myself cannot come soon enough!! I need to get through school so I can start my quest (to find myself) as soon as possible! I'm going to start listening to French books on tape when I sleep so I absorb the language. Dr. B. would be so proud- and probably have something entirely inappropriate to add :) I kinda miss taking her French 5 class... sometimes.

I know this sounds bitter, but seeing people happy makes me sick. Not that I want their happiness to go away, I just don't feel like witnessing it. I'm bitter, and frustrated, and would probably do best to stay locked up for a bit. Or shipped off to a beach somewhere I can veg.

All I want for Christmas/belated Hanukkah-maybe Chrismukkah- isssss- I have no effing clue. But it's probably sold out.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

I am not alone

I am TOO excited for the Sex and the City Movie!!!

I'm about to have a SatC style shopping spree (at some of Carrie's favorite haunts, no less) thanks to the abundance of unworn, still tagged clothing my mom left me. It would be more fun if she was actually there FOR the shopping spree. But then I guess if she was then there wouldn't be a chance for such a spree. Talk about Catch-22's. I think. I'm pretty sure that's the right concept. My brain's been a bit fried as of late. Either way, I'd much prefer to have my mom over some fantastic clothing. I miss her more at night and during quiet moments of contemplation. As an introvert you can imagine this is highly frequent and highly painful.

When people ask me how I'm doing, I honestly don't know how to answer. Sometimes I'm more miserable than I know what to do with, and other times I'm distracted enough to temporarily forget. Work is a great time for me. TV is a great time for me (F-YOU WRITERS STRIKE!!! Stupid producers need to fold already!) and movies are great too. Discussion of TV and movies is painful. I want to get on with life, but I don't know where to begin. If I go out and get drunk will I have an embarrassing meltdown? Am I too emotionally fragile to date?

At the same time I feel an inner strength- or maybe stubbornness that gets me through the day. Keeps me wanting to shop, trying to eat, forcing myself to sleep. Other times I think it's just denial. I will get through this.

Please listen to The Eagles' song "You Are Not Alone" by Glenn Frey. I'm pretty sure it was written just for me. I try to listen to it everyday. I have amazing friends, and I just hope they know that they're going to have to keep pushing their way into my life, because I really don't have the energy to keep up with them. Sorry. I'm trying.

Also, try to ignore the Glenn Frey photo montage, I don't know how to post music other than YouTube videos, so I recommend just listening to the song while browsing instead. But please listen.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Late Night Ramblings

can't for the life of me fall asleep, and it's way way wayyyy to late to take a sleeping pill or I'll sleep through both my classes tomorrow. I hate school.

How's work going for everyone? I'm loving Lacoste. It's totally hectic, but I'm loving the responsibility and constant busyness. Sadly I have no time for a social life, and when I do I end up passing out on the couch from sheer exhaustion. I did however get to pretend I was cool for a week and race around in my dad's sportscar. I didn't manage to pick up any cute guys like I had fantasized, but I did get a lot of aggression on the road from middle aged men constantly cutting me off, and at one point racing me. Oy.

I've decided that if things take a turn for the worse personally and pick up professionally I'll be applying for a job in a French Lacoste and taking some me time to live somewhere lovely and maybe even travel Europe. Perhaps I'll sell the Magmobile to finance it. I dunno, these are mostly the ramblings of a stressed out person at 4am. I desperately just want to talk to somebody, but nobody is awake right now. I hate that. I miss school when there's always somebody awake at random hours.

I think I've isolated myself. I've made little effort to call people, and I haven't even been seeing most of my family. I know that I'm not alone, I just have to force myself not to become alone. I don't even know what I'm saying. Harry is curled up at my legs, but when I was upset and went to pet him he woke up and bit me. That only made me more upset. I told him he was really selfish sometimes and using me for my warm bed, not to comfort me. Yes, I told the cat he was selfish. I think I really am losing my mind.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

I Need Your Help

If there really is anybody out there reading this I need your help. I don't even need to know you're doing it, I just need you to do it. I need all the positive energy (or prayer if that works for you- I'm a firm believer in both) you can muster for the next month for my mom to get better. I really do think it will work, and I need you to think so too. Thank you.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Random Thoughts

  • I think I'm addicted to online scrabble. Yep, I'm a loser.
  • Community college professors are not up to par with University profs. Who'da thunkit?
  • Does airborne actually work or is it mind over matter and I'm curing my own colds? If so, I wonder if it would work for $2 cheaper if I switched to the CVS brand of mind over matter?
  • Do cats realize they're being obnoxious when they stick their butts in your face?
  • I am thisclose to buying satellite radio, but my fear is that when I finally splurge they too will play the same ten obnoxious songs ever hour.
  • I have too many crushes to keep track of. At the moment I've been thinking about:
    • James Roday (of Psych, which I'm watching right now)
    • Another James, James Marsden
    • Brad Pitt (always and forever)
    • David Wright, the cutest Met that I think needs to marry me
    • Zach Braff
    • Josh Duhamel (when I'm able to get over the fact that he's with Fergie... ICK!)
    • the two dudes I was sandwiched between (of course on the day I'm in sweats and no makeup) in class today
  • Yeah, Psych isn't the most intellectually stimulating show on TV right now, but it really amuses me, and I think it should be more popular
  • I got to drive the Porsche tonight. It was thrilling.
That's all I have to say.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Happy New Year!

I am incredibly lucky to be able to celebrate TWO New Years. For some reason I find January First somewhat of a let down year after year, but Rosh Hashanah- the Jewish New Year- is always filled with hope and promise for a better tomorrow. Maybe it's because one holiday is associated with family and the other with too many drunks (although in some cases it may be hard to distinguish the two).

Anyways, I had my apples and honey last night (so that I'll have a sweet New Year) and I have another day of family celebrations ahead of me. I plan on being as good as I possibly can this week so that when the Book of Life closes I will have a great year ahead of me. With the new job at Lacoste it's already shaping up to be a good year!

This may seem like a non-sequitor, but I've been thinking about the past a lot lately. It seems like just yesterday I was celebrating the New Year out on Long Island with the whole clan, going to my grandparent's temple, and playing with all the other little kids while the adults were upstairs standing and sitting for a few hours. I came across a whole batch of these on YouTube today, and I thought I'd share one of my favorites.

This is from a 1988 PBS pledge drive, which explains the many celebrities of the time making cameos. The celebrities, in order of appearance: John Candy (as Yosh Schmenge from SCTV), Andrea Martin (as Edith Prickley from SCTV), New York Mets Keith Hernandez & Mookie Wilson, Jane Curtin (of SNL and Kate & Allie), Madeline Kahn, Joe Williams, Paul Reubens (as Pee Wee Herman), Ladysmith Black Mambazo, Wynton Marsalis, Celia Cruz, Ihtzak Perlman, Gordon Jackson & Jean Marsh (as Angus Hudson and Rose Buck of Upstairs Downstairs), Paul Simon, Jeremy Irons, Pete Seeger, Rhea Perlman and Danny Devito, and NY Giants Sean Landeta, Mark Ingram, Karl Nelson and Carl Banks.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Life or Something Like It

This is just atrocious. I had planned on posting all summer long, but my limited internet connection in France just didn't make that possible. I didn't want to post anything until I wrote about France, but I'm just not ready to do that. I'm hoping that this post gets my feet wet, and that I'll dive back into regular blog posts again. I do still plan on posting my "letters from France" sometime soon. I'm just not ready. I don't think I'm mentally prepared for that closure yet.

Life is changing very quickly right now, and as somebody who feels like they are on quite shaky ground with change, everything feels mighty confusing at the moment.

The Good: I came to the conclusion that I wasn't going anywhere with my job at Oilily, not to mention the fact that I lost my passion and motivation. I applied for a number of jobs, and went through a rigorous application/interview process with Lacoste. I have just given my two weeks notice (hehe fun movie) at Oilily and will shortly be starting my new job as sales supervisor!

The Bad: I've started my classes at County College Morris. I'm overwhelmed and angry. I need to get over this anger at not being back at UMass. I would've felt out of place and lonely without my core group of friends around. It's time to move on, but I still feel like everything was extremely sudden for me. My classes feel extremely redundant, but maybe that means I'll do well. At least there was a cute guy in one of them!

I have absolutely no social life. Maybe this new job will help me meet more people my age. I'm hoping that in a few weeks I'll have a better social life to report on. We shall see.

Okay I need to get to bed, I have physical therapy for my wrist at 9:15 am, so I'm already a few hours behind on my sleep. I'm going straight to Randolph from there, so I will have about two and a half hours of naptime available before class, hopefully on the deck in the sun (weather permitting).

Goodnight moon and any readers floating around out there. Hopefully each day will get better and better.

update: the word of the day for (today) Sept. 11 was plangent- "beating with a loud or deep sound; also, expressing sadness." That seems fitting in many ways, but what caught my eye was that it also seemed to fit the theme of this blog, or at least the feelings the writer believed were being posted.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

The REAL Maggie Simpson

Doesn't really look all that much like me, but still kinda fun...

ps I promise to post France stuff soon

Friday, June 22, 2007


I should be working on my Monet paper, or even packing. Instead I'm posting this, because it reminds me very much of my dear kitties- who are currently not available at the moment to distract me from my paper writing like they usually do. Last night Sammy practically sat on my keyboard (so that explains all the cat hair I found under the keys during the last clean-up), and when I read books Gracie is usually there to sit on it before I get a paragraph in. Alas, Gracie is in Millburn, I'm still in Randolph. And Ryne is sound asleep. I guess maybe I should attempt to write this paper since, you know, my grade for the summer depends on it...

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Busy Busy

Like most of the important things in my life right now, I've been neglecting the blog. I'm leaving for France on Sunday, although technically my journey begins Saturday, because that's when I'm going up to Boston. Right now the terror is overruling the excitement. I am extremely excited, but at the moment there are several pressing issues I have on my mind...

  • The 3000 page, oops, word Monet paper that I've gotten NOTHING done on, it seems that even out of school I have concentration issues, and my body aches for the adrenaline rush that comes with waiting til the last minute
  • Finding my missing camera. I cannot leave without it, and it's not where I thought I left it. I haven't searched the trunk of my car yet, so maybe in a half hour or so I'll have something different to report back on
  • Packing- I've got basic things ready, but the fact of the matter is that at my father's house there sits about five loads of laundry and one or two unpacked bags that most definitely contain my missing tank tops
  • Mani/Pedi, not too big of a deal, but I'd like to clean up my feet a little before wearing flip flops for five weeks and attempting not to scare people away
  • Money- as of Friday I will have a paycheck from Oilily that should put me just over the $500 mark I need in spending money, although now people are telling me that I need MORE money to bring, so...umm...
  • Train ticket to Boston, I'll probably have that taken care of by the time I get to my dad's house this evening
  • Thank you notes for graduation- I want to complete those before I leave
  • Writing an annonomous angry letter to the next door neighbors so that their kids might stop terrorizing the rest of my neighborhood while I'm gone. Without my sunshiney appearance brightening up my other neighbor's lives, how will they get through this terrible period with those obnoxious children screaming and running around on our properties?

This sounds like quite the long list, but my goal for today is to get my paper written and hopefully spend some quality time with my mom as well. Wish me luck!

Monday, June 11, 2007

The Frat Mack Strikes Again

For the record, making out with people while your friend sleeps in the bed perpendicularly touching yours is not a very nice thing to do. But it's still kind of fun ;) Not as fun, going to the bathroom, finding the person passed out, and having to share a very teeny tiny twin bed. Oops, maybe not the best planning, but still a pretty fun night. My city adventure began when I finagled some money out of my father for the trip into the city. He accused me of trying to get him to "finance my social life" but I explained the importance (and rarity) of seeing Lauren while she visits in NYC.

Stress free (from worrying about lack of cash flow) I took the train in (ran into and had pretty good convo with an old high school friend), and met up with Lauren and her boyfriend Matt at Washington Square Park. I spotted Lauren from across the street and ran across squealing and throwing myself at her. It was pretty exciting (and for her surprising). We hung out in the NYU dorms where Matt's staying for the summer. Lauren and I split a bottle of cheap (but pretty decent) wine from Trader Joe's Winery, or Wine Shop, whatever the eff it's called. Hung out some more, drank a little more wine, and myself, Lauren, Matt, his roommate, and his roommate's friend Laura headed out for dinner. We had Thai food and I was proud of myself for eating so adventurously. It was delicious.

Apres ca (see me impressively slipping in the Francais?, apres ca is "after that") we took a taxi to a bar somewhere whose name and location I have no idea. Laura was supposed to meet two of her friends there, but they didn't show up, and Matt wouldn't be able to get into the bar. So we hopped in another taxi (this group of people didn't really do the subway) and headed over to McSorley's, the oldest bar in NYC. They only served beer, and were packed, so we didn't stay too long. Once again we taxied it over to another bar, the name and location of which I cannot say. Matt was unable to get in there, too, so he and Lauren had couple time while I had two appletinis with The Roommate, Laura, and her two friends from traveling abroad. It was a good time. I bought Laura and The Roommate drinks since they paid for the taxis. My bar tab cost almost double dinner. I still haven't told my dad how much I spent. I might be in some big trouble. We shall see.

Some poor life decisions were made after the bars, but such is life when you have a few too many appletinis. All in all it was a good time. After leaving Lauren and Matt at Central Park, I walked around Madison Ave for a bit today, but alas the Puerto Rican Day Parade was going on. Many stores were closed and LARGE groups of people flooded the streets. I don't care for crowds, especially celebrating crowds (which can turn to angry crowds sometimes), so after shopping for a bit I headed home. Definitely the longest walk of shame ever ;)

Tonight I met Jordana for some Maggie Moo's and then we saw Ocean's 13. I wasn't a huge fan of 12, but I saw 11 at least six (maybe seven) times in the theaters and many more times since then. My obsession/love for Brad Pitt is well known, and the rest of the cast is pretty cute too. Yeah, even George Clooney is pretty dreamy. Who know I was capable of crushes so much older than me. Cause, you know, I totally have a chance with George Clooney, Mr. Lifelong-bachelor-I-date-the-prettiest-women-on-the-planet. Sigh. And yet I told The Roommate last night I'm done with looking for love. For now. I just don't see it in my cards until after I'm fully done with France, college, etc. I'm getting my wild ways out of my system now before it's no longer socially acceptable for my age and just deemed pathetic. It's been working pretty well so far. It all comes back to the whole "opposite George" thing going on. And after coming full circle to some of my last few posts, I'm heading to bed.

Monday, June 4, 2007

I like Pina Coladas...

Couldn't sleep. I've been avoiding the finale of Veronica Mars for a few weeks now, thinking that maybe if I don't watch it then it's not the end. It left me feeling very empty afterwards, and angry with the CW for not bringing it back. DAMN THEM! And damn whatever song was playing at the end that left me feeling melancholy. I'll have to look it up tomorrow. Rather than read up on everything VM related (hair styles, clothing, music, etc) I decided to make an M&M. Don't ask me why... I'm not even sure myself.

Can you count all the details in the background? It's got a lot of mini-Mags facts and a few Lost snippets too (since I'm a dork) hiding. Okay fine I'll just name them. None of these are too significant, they were just available in the M&M's stock clip art. The phone booth represents my trips to London (SO incredible!); the penguins because I love penguins, they looked funny and silly on a beach, and because it reminded me of Wendel the penguin (I MISS SCHOOL!), the plane is for my travels and also for Lost; the balloon is pretty looking and also kind of like the REAL Henry Gale's balloon (wouldn't it be cool to get him in a flashback?); the drink is a pina colada which I would love to have sometime soon; the balloons are PRETTY :) and the shells add ambiance. How's that? Oh and the beach ball? Hmmm... I dunno, like everything else I added, it looked pretty. Oh, and that is indeed a floating crown. Kind of like a halo, but for a princess. Maybe an angel princess? Okay now I'm tired.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Dunce Capped

I'm working 11:45 am - 7 pm tomorrow. I'm going to try to get there at about 11:30 (good luck with that) so that I can hopefully run into Kym when she does payroll and go over my schedule (she put me on the week that I'm getting ready to leave for France, despite my note in the calendar) and maybe even ask for a raise. I've been offered a higher paying job for when I return in August, but I'd rather stick with Oilily a little longer out of loyalty and so that I can say I've been there a full two years. I also think staying friendly with my boss is key to getting a great recommendation when I apply to Barney's or Bergdorf's personal shopping programs (if I apply).

Tomorrow at work it will take me mere minutes to clean the store, and there is nothing left to re-tag/refill since Katie and I took care of everything today. If the store is dead and empty (like it was for a good chunk of today) I will be reading Confederacy of Dunces, which has been sitting in my trunk since I left for school last August. The last book I read for pleasure was in February. I'm very excited.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Remember when "a total Baldwin" meant cute?

I've had a crush on Paul Rudd since Clueless, so that was a definite positive to seeing Knocked Up tonight. And getting out of the house. My mom's angry with me for leaving the sunroof open last night on her car. Oops! At least it didn't rain (trust me, did that once with my car, it was not a good idea)!

The movie was great. I'm pretty sure I've already mentioned recently that I've been following Judd Apatow since discovering the late, great "Undeclared" (quite possibly the best and most realistic college show...ever). He didn't fail to disappoint tonight. The cast was stellar, and the writing pretty hilarious. There was one gory moment I could have gone without, and I was relieved that my brother and I were unable to sit next to each other, major awkwardness avoided.

Another interesting moment came at the end of the movie. Joanna Kerns, who most of my generation probably knows best for being Maggie Seaver on "Growing Pains" had a brief role as the lead character's mother in the film. At the end of the movie they showed a cast and crew "baby book" with their own baby pictures and pictures of them with their children. I haven't seen "Growing Pains" for a VERY long time, and yet I immediately recognized the picture of Joanna Kerns with her child from the opening credits of "Growing Pains". I wonder how many other 80's/90's kids recognized that same picture?

I've got work at 9:30am, this will be day #6 (out of 12 I believe) without a break, since I decided to work at school fairs on my two days off. It's not really that big of a deal. It's not nearly as crazy as when I was working at Oilily AND Kent Place last summer. I believe I went a month or more without more than one or two days off. That was not fun. This is momentary business, which will very soon die down when I take my week off to prepare for France. And then France itself! I need to go to the library and start writing my book report on Monet. Last night I couldn't sleep, so at 4am I read Linnea in Monet's Garden to reacquaint myself with Monet in the most simplest terms. It really is an adorable book. I might have to break out the sequel tonight if I can't sleep. Who am I kidding? I'm exhausted.

Bon soir mes amies.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Blurbing on the blog

Short blog post, I felt the need to post something, but I'm determined not to waste what little relaxation time I have before work glued to my computer screen. Do not worry, I can feel a long post coming, this is just the calm before the storm (of words)...

"Make new friends but keep the old; one is silver and the other gold" doesn't that sound like you're being taught to value one set of friends more than the other? Silver isn't worth nearly as much as gold. And if you're not into the yellow gold you can get white gold or even platinum. Silver is like the starter jewelry, easily affordable. So is there one set of friends that you can easily buy? That you wear anytime, not afraid of too much damage? Is there another set of friends that only come out on special occasions? I tell you, the song is mind boggling. What are we teaching our children?

Just did a spellcheck, NO ERRORS! YES I knew I was an English major for a reason. I's a pretty samrt laddy. :P

I saw Waitress last night with Jordana and I loved it. I've also rediscovered my crush on Nathan Fillion. I want him to wrap his arms around me for at least twenty minutes. I used to think the first thing I noticed about a guy was his eyes (it might still be), but strong arms are pretty high up on my list. Gotta love a big strong hug.

Your results:
You are Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic)

You are good at fixing things.
You are usually cheerful.
You appreciate being treated
with delicacy and specialness.

Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic)
Inara Serra (Companion)
River (Stowaway)
Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic)
Malcolm Reynolds (Captain)
Derrial Book (Shepherd)
Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command)
Wash (Ship Pilot)
Jayne Cobb (Mercenary)
A Reaver (Cannibal)

Click here to take the Serenity Personality Quiz

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Say it ain't so...

I never sleep before I travel. I never pack until the day I have to move out. These are two things that are pretty much set in stone for me. I'm actually moving out Sunday, but that doesn't count, because most of my things are supposed to be packed off and sent home with the family on Saturday (tomorrow/today). Is it tomorrow if you never went to sleep? Or is it officially today now that the sun is back up?

So at 5:30 am when I'm too tired/excited/nervous to sleep I decide to start packing. A terror of moving out today has set in...

My dad is going to see how many boxes of Marc Jacobs shoes I own and how much clothing I have...


On the brightside, I don't have to hit my parents up for money to go out with my friends for my last night. I sold back about $300-400 worth of books today and made fifty bucks! Normally people would be depressed and angry about the money they've lost, but let's face it- those books would've sat on a shelf untouched for years. $50 is a heck of a lot more than I had the day before ($16) and allowed me to get a drink and dinner at Panda East (where the service gets worse with each and every visit) and to pay my way into our rebellious little party tonight.

My Scorpion Bowl-mate and I

I'm not even going to address the giant elephant on the blog (er in the room) that is graduation and leaving my bubble. Yeah, I'm in absolute and total denial. So why was this party so rebellious (yeah I'm changing the subject, deal with it)? We're not allowed to drink in our house due to the risky nature of what could occur if girls did indeed go wild. But as seniors we're a pretty responsible bunch, so our partying never got too out of control. Good night, I just wish we didn't have to be up really early for... that thing... tomorrow/today. Oh wait, I'm already up early, I never went to bed! Shoot!


General Antics All Around

It hurts to think about leaving this place and these people that have been my home and family for over three years now.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Opposite George strikes again!

I went out tonight and didn't drink. I went to Delanos and danced and had a great time. If I'm deluded enough to think that there are regular readers of this blog out there then you must be shocked for two reasons: first of all everybody who reads this seems to be convinced I'm a boozebag (my teacher's and classmate's words, not mine) and secondly my friends and I NEVER leave McMurphy's. Besides the fact that I have a lot of finals work to do tomorrow and I don't want to waste away half the day hung over, I caught the stomach bug plague that has decimated half my house and I'm still not really up for drinking. I nursed seltzer all night, but managed to have a great time dancing to the live band and just hanging out with my friends. I also worked on my "opposite George" techniques.

The guy I had mentioned in the last blog- hmm I should give him a fun name to refer to him as... photoshop guy, that works- has been popping up lately everytime I step out of the house with my friends. I've been acting somewhat aloof, which is new for me, and I kind of like it. It's not that I'm not interested in him, but I'm also not actively interested in him. I'm not in the mood to lead him on, but I'm also not making it clear that I want to be his friend. Okay this is getting confusing and complicated to write about, so if you need clarification ask me. Anyways I digress. I saw him and I just kind of smiled in his direction, but didn't stop what I was doing to go talk to him. I refuse to be awkward.

I also talked to a few new strangers, and danced with one of them. The dancing guy was kind of cute, and kissed me on the cheek when he went to leave. That was a first. I was intrigued, and I liked it. I hope maybe we'll bump into each other again one day. Another "opposite" moment occurred when this drunk guy (see guy in blue shirt to the right) was all over the place dancing and kept bumping into my friend Brian (yellow shirt). Brian started dancing behind him, and the guy didn't even notice. I took the picture and Brian desperately wanted to know the guy's name so he could tag the pic on facebook. I went over to the guy (SO not a Maggie thing to do) and put my hand on his chest, and asked him where I knew him from. I got his name (supposedly Dan Alfonso, but nothing's turned up on facebook yet, damn) and when I asked him if he was in my Shakespeare class he replied in a drunken slur: "I can be." It was hillarious. I'm really enjoying this whole opposite thing. I hope that I can use it to my advantage, and maybe bring out a more confident, more outgoing me. I'll keep my progress posted.

Also some noteworthy moments worth posting: took my first final today (for Shakespeare) and I think I did a great job; I got caught up on last night's The Office- it was INCREDIBLE and definitely worth watching (check out Creed's blog); I had my final trip meeting for France, the date is getting closer; had a very ALIAS moment Tuesday when my friend and I tailed another friend and her makeout buddy home from the bars (hehe); there are brand new fresh sheets on my bed (not necessarily noteworthy, but they're calling to me at the moment).

And may we all take a moment of silence for Veronica Mars. I was near tears. I shouldn't have been so surprised, the show has been on the brink of cancellation since the start, but it was still a shocking blow. I should be happy that I got three great seasons of such an amazing show, especially the first season, which will always remain my favorite. Thank you to the cast and crew of Veronica Mars for giving me great entertainment, and especially to Rob Thomas, who I will now follow anywhere he goes.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

I could use a hug...

So this is the last assigned blog entry. Not to say that I don't plan on continuing this blog (so you better keep reading!!!) but it's the last time that I have to write an entry. This will actually be my last finished class. Creepy. Unfortunately I have a handful of essays to write, a few art drawings to complete tomorrow, a Shakespeare final to prepare for, and an Oceanography final that I'm praying to get at least a B on, but that's not looking so positive right now.

It seems somewhat appropriate that the one thing I've been discussing throughout the semester is the coming of graduation. I still have another semester left, but to me this still feels like the end. My friends are moving on, I'm leaving the safe little bubble that is my sorority life, and in a way starting fresh in the fall. I'm terrified. Unfortunately this has spilled into my current life. I have a tendency of self-destruction when I'm dreading moving on. I've fallen behind in my work and have started having increased anxiety over... pretty much everything.

Last week I had somewhat of a Seinfeld-esque moment when I acted like George and did the opposite of what I would normally do. On the down side I was a bitch to one of my good friends. We're cool now, but I still feel pretty bad about it. On the up side I got a kick playing against my usual type, and embracing some inner-self confidence I didn't really know I had. It was definitely a self-esteem boost. Like George, acting as my opposite self seemed to be more positive than negative, I just need to be more careful how I use it, so that people don't get hurt in the future. Who knows, maybe a whole new Maggie is in store for next semester. Or at least a slightly more matured post-Europe Maggie. You never know.

This weekend I went home to celebrate Mother's Day. On the one hand I didn't want to go back to school. I wanted to stay with my family, continue to hang out with my parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. On the other hand all I could think about was that I was missing the last weekend of spring semester with my friends, and how much I already missed them. Being away for a weekend can feel like forever sometimes. I will definitely have tremendous separation anxiety two weeks from now (not to mention next semester). Tonight we had a ceremony that made us officially alumni(nae?) of our sorority. I had been looking forward to it for a few years, but instead it felt like somebody punched me in the gut. Or perhaps my bubble bursting. Either way, it was extremely depressing. I will probably be a bawling wreck on graduation. Note to self: do not wear mascara.

I hope everybody who has been reading this enjoyed the blog so far. I will be keeping up with it as much as possible. I hope you continue to read as I go home and work work work in preparation for France, and espcially when I start blogging FROM France. I hope to have many exciting stories and pictures to share.

And yes, if you see me, I could use a hug.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Aahhh, hotness

Perhaps if I stop looking at YouTube for my favorite movie clips I will get some work done and can enjoy going out and perhaps meet a hot dancer like Patrick Swayze (circa '87, not now) who will take me out of the corner of the dugout and dance...

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

A Very Busy Weekend Part Un

What a busy weekend! It pretty much started Thursday evening when I went to McMurphy's with the ladies (Cobb, Kath, Sam, Katy, Lauren H). On our way there we were talking about the "free cash Thursdays" a raffle McMurphy's has been doing since Spring Break. I suggested that if one of us won we buy the rest of the group a round of drinks. Sure enough, Katy won! I screamed. It was pretty exciting. Katy was supposed to win $30 but they accidentally gave her $40. The night was pretty much amazing all around.

The next day I managed to roll out of bed and off to my 11:15 discussion on time. At noon I had my second meeting for my trip to France. I'm SO ridiculously excited for this trip. It's going to be absolutely incredible. We picked out the rooming for the trip, as well. I had the choice of a single, double, or one triple. The triple is the biggest room in the villa we're staying in. It's got a giant balcony (as you can see in the picture) and is the room that everybody wants to come hang out in. I made friends with the two girls who were asking to be put in the triple, and am now going to be living with them this summer! I'm not worried at all about living in a triple, I've lived in mutliple triples at Alpha Chi and even a FIVE and loved it. I think this will be a blast. And the balcony is GORGEOUS. I cannot wait to live there! This summer is going to be amazing. I think I've said that a number of times, but the level of my excitement is through the roof. I'm going to be a wreck at the airport, I'll probably be bouncing off the walls. Just the fact that the trip is a little over a month away makes me squeal. I can't even write this entry without grinning!

Friday night we (Kate, Lauren H, Katy, Sam, Kath, Cobb) decided to get our dance on, and broke out of our McMurphy's comfort bubble and went to the Pub. For some reason there was no cover fee (nice!) and the dance floor was open. It's become quite obvious that guys seem to ignore my friends and I when we stand in a circle, so we attempted to spread out into groups of two or three. It was quite successful. There were some cute guys who came over to dance with all of us. I was mostly excited about the rockstar look I had, thanks to my dance instructor, Katy doing double duty and styling my hair. It looked so cool! We had a great time. Unfortunately, we had also decided to attend sigep's final frat party for old time's sake. It was pretty lame, and even weirder that most of the younger brothers didn't recognize us. All in all lots of awkwardness. What are you gonna do? We ended up leaving on the earlier side, not before making fun of skanky freshman girls of course. If you're looking to find the fakest baked, short skirt wearing, thong-hanging out, dancing on table (sometimes without underwear) whores then a frat party is the place to go. It's kind of like watching a train wreck. You're disgusted and try looking away, but part of you is just so fascinated you have to turn and watch.

Saturday I went to the mall with Cobb and Lauren H on a mission to get a striped cotton dress from Victoria's Secret Pink and maybe some shorts. I couldn't find the dress in my size, but I did stumble upon some really cute AF shorts on sale. They're perfect for France!!! We had to race back to Amherst because my cousin Austin texted me that his train was actually running on time (not late as he had previously told me). I picked him up at the station and hung out at the house for a little while until we joined the gang for Chili's.

Austin was here for the weekend to check out UMass/party with me. He's 17 but definitely a lot wilder than myself. My family had bets going on which one of us would corrupt the other more this weekend. Being the good cousin I am, I purchased two forties for him and let him mix me some drinks while I found a party for us to attend. Mindy's friend was having a party on Kellog St, just around the corner from the center of town. The party was a little empty at first, but picked up rather quickly, to the point where the rooms were bursting with people. I lost Austin a few times, and was a little nervous. My friend Jen told me I looked like the girl in "Can't Hardly Wait" looking for her friend the whole night. I was making sure he wasn't wandering off, getting lost, or stealing stuff (like the rice cake seen in that picture). Still, even with all my worrying it was a great time. Austin and I bonded, caught up on family back home, and even won a game of beruit. I bumped into a fellow blogger, and an old high school classmate. And people say UMass is huge. PSssshhh! Austin and I walked over to Antonio's at about 1:45, got some pizza, and rejoined the party. Unfortunately, he was pretty exhausted so shortly after we walked back to my house. As I was heading into Sam's room to recap her and Kathleen on the night, Austin wandered past me and went into my friend's room, thinking it was mine. OOPS! Yeah, I guess he was pretty drunk at that point. He woke up a very sleep deprived Dubs, who was not as amused as the rest of my friends. I sent Austin to the correct room while I spoke with my friends. Kathleen decided that she wants to marry Austin- he's "gorgeous". He's also 5 1/2 years younger than her, so I found it pretty amusing.

Oh my, this blog is SO LONG! I'll have to recap the second half of the weekend (which was a little more relaxed) in my next entry. I don't want this to look TOO convoluted!

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Name the spy!

So by now most of you know that I have an alter-ego, the butt-kicking spy. This past week I was watching an episode of Scrubs where Elliot's old sorority sister visited, and her drinking alter-ego was revealed. Nancy. I don't think Nancy would suit me, but I have decided that I am in need of a name for my crazy, ass-kicking, other persona, or alias if you will. (insert creepy wink). I suggested the name of Sydney (as in Bristow) to Lauren, but she wasn't buying it. The other Lauren and Cobb have the combined drinking alter-egos of Sara(y) and Michelle. Long random story behind that, but it is time for me to come up with this person.

It will also help me as I plan my newest blogging project, which includes craigslist mate-search and the humorous responses that will be sent to me. I promise it will be something that is unmissable. Alert worthy. Spitting out your drink laughing. Okay maybe I'm overhyping, but I have a feeling you are going to laugh your butts off. I know I will be.

...To be continued...

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Getting Old

Since the start of this blog I've talked about how I'm not ready to come to terms with the fact that I am indeed getting older. With age comes responsibility and all that other stuff that freaks me out. Like the fact that I now have friends who are getting married. Creepy man. I briefly considered re-celebrating my 21st again last week, but let's face it, you can't go back in time.

The day started out amazing, when I was finally allowed to open the box my mom had mailed to me a few days earlier. With her on the phone, I began unwrapping, only to discover a dress that I had been dying for in the stores (see left image). She had called me a few weeks ago and had me convinced that they were sold out everywhere. I screamed when I saw the dress, so I'm pretty sure she knew I liked it (not to mention the fact that I wore it home that weekend, too). My mom always tries especially hard to make my birthdays wonderful, and I'm looking forward to being home next year for the first time on my birthday in four years.

My friends were set on me not crying on my birthday this year (as I have on every birthday since high school for some reason or another). Maybe the original song lyrics were meant to be it's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to. Either way, this year was monumental, because I did have two briefly moody moments, I DID NOT CRY! Whooohooo!

Unfortunately, I had an unmissable class the night of my birthday, so I wasn't able to go out for dinner with my friends. Instead I was under a strict timetable to come home and be changed for McMurph's in under 15 minutes. It was "Return of the Dudes" so we wanted to get there early to get a table. I picked out my outfit beforehand (a pink satin top, my true religion jeans {they're lucky}, and black slingbacks) so I quickly rushed home and did my makeup. Sadly, both the Laurens were unable to come out (too much school work and not feeling well), but I still had a wonderful group with me. Sam and I were the first ones there because Cobb, Kate, and Katy all had art class, and Kathleen wasn't ready leave early with Sam and I. We got there at about 9:30ish, but unfortunately the tables were all taken already. I appreciate the Guitar Dudes wanting to celebrate my bday with me, but I would've appreciated a different night so that I'd have room to breathe.

Sam and I were hanging out, rather than get me a shot she bought a pitcher for the two of us to share. I was a little nervous about the beer before liquor, but what the heck? It was my birthday, I'd probably be sick ANYWAYS. I got very mopey when I discovered that there was a tall skinny Blonde girl who was 21, wearing a cute teeny red dress and a tiara, taking away from my birthday glory. Yeah, I'm honest enough to admit that. I'll share the attention any other night (and I always do) but that was MY night. The other girls arrived just in time to lift my spirits. I made them proud by actually taking shots like a champ (something that I usually am ridiculously and humorously terrible at). The Dudes were back in full force, doing a great job, and they even wished me a happy birthday! I would have preferred the crowd to not be there, but whatevsies. Yeah, I said whatevsies, you got a problem with that? I had plenty of friends there to dance with, and it was a great time. Many drinks were given to me, but still not as many as 21, which is definitely good because I didn't get sick this year! I came home, collapsed into bed, and put on my iPod (it prevents the spins that living on a lofted bed seem to cause). The next day I had to pretend to look fresh faced for my composite picture (which is ALWAYS the day after my birthday, ughhh!)

All in all, it was a great birthday, I just still am in major denial that I'm no longer 21. I still write down 21 a good chunk of the time. Oops!

all smiles for 22 (really?!)

Friday, April 27, 2007

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Short story in progress

I want to take English 355 next semester, creative writing. To get in I need to submit 6-10 pages of original fiction to the teacher, soon. Assuming that he's asking for double-spaced papers, I've already got about 4 or 5 pages completed so far, with two short stories. I just wrote this while avoiding studying at club lib. I'm not sure how I feel about the tense or POV, any comments and/or criticisms are welcomed. Please, be harsh, I need to get into this class, and if it takes a massive rewrite of this story (or an entirely new concept all together) then so be it.

Sleep Driving

She’s blasted the music, consumed at least two bottles of water, opened the windows all the way, but her eyelids still have weights attached to them. The car swerves slightly into the left lane, and her body jerks forward a few inches. She reaches for the music dial and turns the volume up louder, attempting to sing along. No matter how hard she tries, it’s a losing battle. Seventeen more miles to the next rest stop. She’s not sure if she can make it that long.

She’s never able to sleep the night before traveling, be it by plane, bus, car, or train. There’s a certain anxiety attached to the idea of travel, what could potentially go wrong plagues her mind and keeps her puttering around the room to avoid letting her mind drift to those ideas. She stays awake until she’s tired enough to pass out as soon as head meets pillow. It’s a terrible system, but she’s afraid of sleeping through her alarm if she takes a sleeping pill.

Instead, she wakes up after what feels like mere moments later, slightly panicked and ready to ship out and leave. A stop at Dunkin Donuts for some sort of hot caffeinated beverage is a must. She has a bad feeling that they slipped her decaf today. Those bastards. Thanks to them there’s no heat coursing through her veins, keeping her body in motion, feeling raw with energy. Instead everything feels heavy, constantly sinking. Sinking into the seat, sinking into herself; her shoulders slumping forward, and her head bobbing back and forth, as if she was vigorously nodding to somebody in approval.

She winces as she slaps her left cheek, and just as quickly and harshly she slaps her right cheek. This alerts her body for all of thirty seconds, but even the sting from her palm seems washed out by the dreariness that is taking over her body. Just ten more miles, at the speed of seventy miles per hour means… she attempts to do the math, but her brain seems to be full of cotton balls at the moment. It’s less than ten minutes, she can at least deduce that much. She attempts to do the algebra in her head. Sixty and seventy both share a common denominator with four-hundred and twenty, which means… which means her brain is too fried to figure out this simple equation at the moment. With a sigh she checks the road for hiding police and speeds up another six miles per hour. The sooner she can pull over, the sooner she’ll be able to close her eyes.

Her heart speeds up as she sees somebody jump into the road out of nowhere. What the hell are they doing crossing the interstate?! As she swerves the car, narrowly missing the station wagon next to her, she blinks and the person is out of sight. No other cars seem to be getting out of the way, and the person was definitely not fast enough to cross the road already. If somebody had hit them there would somewhat of a ruckus going on behind her. It’s not possible that she was seeing things. That would mean she had some serious issues going on. Eight more miles.

The wheel is misaligned, so the car keeps brushing up against the grating on the left side. She supposes it’s doing its job, shaking the car to alert a sleepy driver that they’re falling off of the road. She wonders what would happen if she just surrenders. That’s the sleep talking, keep alert! an angry voice yells in her head. She glances at the stereo, only to see that she’s three songs further into the CD than she last remembers. Part of her is terrified at the possibility that she’s been sleeping for a little while.

As she finally approaches the exit, the car continues to swerve, despite her best efforts. Her head is playing the bobbing game again. One red light is all that holds her back from the McDonald’s parking lot up again. A car beeps behind her, and she realizes that her eyes were closed, and the light has turned green. She drives a few more yards and pulls into the lot. It seems to take an eternity to adjust the seat. One lowered, closes her eyes and can feel her body falling deeper and deeper, the warm arms of sleep engulfing her. One last frantic thought runs through her mind before all of her systems shut down. What if she never made it this far, and the car had careened into the cement guardrail the first time she knew her eyes had been closed longer than necessary?

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

My Last Formal!

So I never found a date to my formal. The livejournal thing was a riot, but deep down I knew it wouldn't exactly pan out, although I was flattered by my fellow blogger's support. Ex-roomie Mindy thought maybe her friend Adam could go, but he wouldn't know if he was available (due to an unfinished lab) until about an hour before the formal. When I found out he couldn't go I started to cry, which was really lame of me, but more so stupid, because I already had my mascara on. I had to tilt my head backwards and hold q-tips at the corners of my eyes for a few minutes to avoid the onslaught of black ink that would run down my face the second it got wet. I was successful, and the night was somewhat successful as well.

The formal was at the Hotel Northampton, which was beautiful. It's a senior tradition in our house that first the seniors take a limo uptown and then meet up with the rest of the party about an hour later. Of course we went to McMurphy's, because it's not even an option that we go anywhere else. It was really fun walking into an empty (except for four people who looked kind of shocked at first) McMurph's in our formal dresses. Since it's somewhat acceptable to drink after 5 (this was approx. 6pm) I think I will have to go there again early when it's completely empty. It was as if we had rented out the bars for just ourselves (and let the other few people hang out since they were harmless). We had complete control of the music, and only had to fight each other for the bartender's attention. It was a blast. And of course we had a photoshoot. The picture to the left was taken from six different cameras at minutely different angles (all the guys were in a row).

It was sad to leave the limo when we arrived at the formal (driving around in a limo all night could really be a party unto itself), but the Hotel Northampton was gorgeous. The food was amazing (I had prime rib), the dancing was fun, and the drinks were pretty good, just super expensive since I was buying for myself all night. But I'm an independent woman and I can take care of myself dammit! Not to say that I didn't appreciate two of my friends lending out their boyfriends for dances, and my friend Lauren sitting with me on the bus home while her boyfriend sat across the aisle, despite my objections that I was alright (I was a little bummed when I saw everybody all cuddled up on the bus). The only time I really cried was along with all the other seniors during the last song, because we realized this was the last time we would all be doing this together. Because of my amazing friends and the great time I always have with them, my night was a success. And my Little won the "Smiley Award" which made me incredibly proud. Despite a broken nose in a car accident a week earlier, she still showed her beautiful face, and smiled :) She's amazing.

The next night I attended a toga party at my friend Dan's, and saw two of the guys who turned me down for the formal. One of them actually had a job interview, and he had gone out of his way to have Dan tell me to have a great time. The other one asked me how the formal was and told me he felt really bad I didn't (because he didn't like "those kinds of things") but hoped I had a good time. I quietly grinded my teeth, but told him I had a very nice time (which I did, but I would have preferred a date). Speaking of the toga party, it was my first, it was also my first time shotgunning a beer (classy, right?), and being at a party that was broken up by the police (they just waltzed right in as we were all jumping up and down singing "You Shook Me All Night Long"). Once again, another great night, capping and excellent weekend, and leading up to my 22nd birthday (which will have to be addressed in my next blog entry.

Greek Goddesses

Don't Worry... Be Happy

Wow, so I sound like a spoiled brat in my last post. I didn't mean to, I think it's hard to explain something that sounds good on the surface, but is filled with frustration and hurt deep down. I know I'm not a brat because my entire extended family feels this way. I think we all just want things to go back to the way they were. It's impossible to go back in time, though, so I guess it's just important to make the best of what we have now, and (as Kevin stressed in his comment) be happy. I am happy, I've got a pretty good thing going for me with the whole traveling to Europe this summer and all, but everytime I come home from a visit with my grandmother I always feel a flood of angst come over me. Hence the terribly angsty post.

But I have a LOT to say about what I've been up to, unfortunately I haven't eaten a single thing yet and if I don't get some real food this box of cookies in front of me will soon disappear. mmm... cookies... Okay, mind out of the gutter, time to eat. All new Veronica Mars tonight! WHOOHOOOO! Now that's something that makes me very happy!

Monday, April 23, 2007

Tea with the Queen

Am I selling my love for clothing? As an opening sentence, that sounds pretty dirty and terrible, but it's not as bad as you think. This all goes back to the earlier blogging days when we were told to discuss our families, so this part is kind of complex, try to stay with me, okay?

My dad's stepmother was more of a grandmother to me than my actual paternal grandmother. When I was a kid I LOVED spending time with my Nanny and Poppop. My grandfather was one of the greatest people EVER. If you met him, I'm sure you would have agreed in a heartbeat. I used to stay with them for the weekend sometimes, and the trips would end with a visit to Toys 'R Us where I would usually get a Barbie or some other sort of doll that my parents had decided I didn't need. But isn't this what all grandparents do? That's not why I looked forward to spending time with them, though. I would've been just as happy to be with them without the toy store trip as I was with it. In fact, once I was out of the toy store phase in middle/high school I did just spend time with them, no gifts included, and still had a wonderful time. Not to say that there weren't the occasional shopping trips.

At the end of my junior year of high school my Poppop passed away due to cancer, which was pretty heartbreaking for the entire family. After that, visits with my Nanny would include a meal, and sometimes shopping. It was usually for one special item. Within one year she was set up with a rich old man from the city, and suddenly the shopping trips were getting ritzier and ritzier. By my sophomore year of college (that's less than three years for anybody keeping track), my Nanny was married. Her husband's wife had died just months prior to them meeting (or so the family rumors are). She now lives the life of a Manhattan socialite. Going to shows multiple times a week, having a driver, living in one of the ritziest buildings on Park Ave (no guest room), private jet, and of course the homes in Boca (still not invited) and Purchase (the country). It's not very grandchild friendly. Well... his grandchildren she sees much more, and apparently dotes on them so as to buy their love. His kids are not very warm to her, so might as well win over the grandchildren, right?

In the meantime, those of us across the Hudson in my family only see my Nanny for brief visits. These visits include an expensive meal (the entree in my lunch today cost more than my most expensive dinners out with my friends in Amherst for the whole meal) and usually a shopping trip to an expensive store. My personal favorite is Bergdorf's. My friends roll their eyes when I come home from a visit with designer jeans, head to toe new outfits (to be fair I'm never dressed "appropriately" for going out to dinner with her husband, so she needs to re-clothe me), and expensive shoes. Honestly, I would gladly trade in every single amazing thing I've been given for even another HOUR in my old life, but I figure I might as well take advantage of what I'm being given. My brother gets a twenty passed on from me, and a promise to be seen soon. And every now and then a Broadway show.

I'm not a bitter person, I'm more... disappointed. So anyways, that leads me back to the weirdness I feel from today. I came home for the weekend to celebrate the 22nd, and my grandmother insisted I come in for a few hours. I spent a half an hour being shown the real Picasso's, real Chagall (are you sure I know how to spell it?), and various other artists that make me drool to be up close to a real painting. What do you think her husband would say if I asked him to throw a couple hundred thousand my mom's way so she could pay off her house? Hmmm... So then we went for the delicious, but expensive lunch, where I saw many facelifted ladies, and listened to friends of my grandmother's stop and compare when they got home from Boca. Then we went for a walk down 3rd Avenue where my Nanny had the managers at Victoria's Secret bring out a folding chair for her husband to sit on while I quickly picked out some loungewear for my trip to France. We then walked to Scoop, a store I love but cannot afford, where her husband insisted he buy me a pair of white terry shorts. They were gorgeous, and the offer was one of his kindest moments to me, but I felt very off after the purchase. Hours later, I'm starting to feel dirty. I gave affection for Tory Burch. It's not that I don't like him, I just... I don't dislike him... My grandmother was looking for contentment, she already had a great love in her life. I don't feel any anger towards her husband, I just feel like she kind of sold her soul to live this new life. It's just that he doesn't radiate warmth, and that's kind of hard for me to deal with. I guess that's why I feel so weird that the first time he really seemed extremely warm was through buying me these shorts.

Hmmm, this may be the first blog that I edit later on. I can't decide. Until I get back to school, done with classes, and done with hw for the day to log back on again, I'll leave you with a picture of my radiant face this warm spring afternoon :)

Ryne and I preparing our Mother's Day Gift

Thursday, April 12, 2007

I need YOUR help

Okay what movie ended with a montage of the characters dancing to the song "Eight Days a Week"? It's been stuck in my head all day now, and I can kind of picture the characters, but the rest is blank, and it's driving me crazy, mostly because I cannot get the song out of my head. Please help me out!


Who's coming to see this with me this summer? Let's list the reasons why there's no way I cannot love this movie:
  • Stars Michael Cera, aka George Michael
  • co-written by Seth Rogan and produced by Judd Apatow of "40 Year Old Virgin" and of course one of my favorite cancelled TV shows, "Undeclared"
  • The fact that the trailer already had me laughing pretty hard, especially with what's sure to be one of my favorite quotable lines this summer: "We can be that mistake!"

"We can be that mistake!"

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Adventures at the Lib (long "i") Part II

my desk last night
(see the blogger screen on my computer?)

There's a very amusing game I like to play in the library: "where will the chair go?" Everybody wants a cozy armchair rather than the sit-rigidly-in-one-position desk chairs on the second and third floors of the lib (pronounced libe). I, myself, watched the girl across from me out of the corner of my eye for nearly a half an hour until she left her chair. I nearly ran over to her desk to claim the spot before she was fully out the door. Other people are chair hunting too, but everybody else moves the chair to the desk they're already at. Sometimes, no, usually this is across the room. The chairs have wheels, but they're really heavy and don't exactly roll. I get to see people of all shapes and sizes struggling (even big guys, hehe) to get the chair to their desk. The best is watching somebody attempt to push the chair around a corner. Not easy. As I read my book today I saw multiple chairs passing by behind me. I'm pretty sure it's the same 4 or 5 chairs. I think the lib needs more of these popular chairs.

Random spaced out library thought #1: You know your head is in the clouds when you see "entropic failure" on your prescription pills label warnings.

As I was bending down to pick up a stray m&m (I'm NOT a litterbug) I noticed that the table/desks (whatever they are) can be lowered or raised with a little bolt on both legs. Right now I would pay to see somebody attempt that.

8:38pm- (now at the lib for just over six hours) After a lag in chair grabbing around dinnertime (there were even two open chairs!) I just saw the same chair pushed back and forth across the room. As I watched a girl put all of strength into very slowly pushing the chair past me, a small amused smile crossed my face. She apologized for the noise and I responded with a sympathetic look and "those chairs are impossible to move" so she didn't think I was just some bitch laughing at her. Maybe she still thought that. I hope not!

Random library thought #2: I hate not being able to say bless you to strangers across the room when they sneeze. If you say bless you then everybody else looks at you, and they usually look more embarrassed than thankful, it's just a big old mess. Sneezes without bless-you's are one of my biggest pet peeves.

9:13pm- I have left my cushy chair on the third floor for the computer lab on the sixteenth floor. I wanted to stay behind and see who went after my chair, but it's getting late and I've been here for about 7 hours. Random library thought #3: ever notice the library has a variety of interesting (and not in a good way) smells? Although I will say they do provide very nice smelling soap in the bathrooms, which eases my mild anxiety attacks when I have to use their public bathrooms.

So last night I left the library at nearly 2:30 in the morning. Not the smartest thing. I walked home with my cell phone pre-dialed to 911 wishing I had saved the campus escort service's phone number from my last phone. I made it back in one piece, vowing to hit the library early today so that I wouldn't have to leave so late again. How the heck did I manage to spend 9 hours there today?! I guess the library loves me and doesn't want me to leave.... hmmm...

the amazingly flattering lighting at Club Lib

Monday, April 9, 2007

Adventures at the Lib (long "i") Part I

You'd think being at the library would put me into a more productive mood. But I'm not, so I'm not. Huh? Did that even make sense?

I'm going to keep a time-log of my activities, so you can see how sad it is that it's taking me this long to get anything done.
  • 12:12am- cannot concentrate for the life of me. Attempted to write a blog entry, but had nothing interesting to talk about. Taking 21 minutes off to watch an episode of The Office.
  • 12:34am- I'm in LOVE with Jim Halpert. In love. Tall, goofy looking guys better watch out, because I'll probably be coming after them
  • 1:52am there's a facebook group called "Dammit. Meredith Grey Survived" hahaha. Oops, back to work.
  • 2:17am- I'm walking home in the dark. I'm terrified. If I do not show up to class then I am probably stolen. :-O

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

in a mood

It's not that I have nothing to say. It's just that I don't know what to say. My weekend was crazy and fun, and the best parts aren't fit to be posted. Now I'm really overtired and my brain is in a bit of a funk, and I'm incredibly cranky. I spilled water all over my desk earlier, doing damage to some pictures sitting on my desk, and just making a mess, I started screaming and then sobbing. My roommate laughed. I'm a wreck. I just need a good night's sleep, and then I can be cheerful and bubbly and a good writer again.

I've decided to follow Passover this year (last year it fell on my birthday and I didn't want to miss eating cake), but apparently my chef has no idea what this holiday is. Here's an exchange we had today after I had left a note asking him to get us matzoh:

"I'm getting crackers for you this afternoon."
"Um... I can't eat crackers, I need matzoh."
"Yeah, same thing. Matzoh crackers."
No. No, no, no. Matzoh is not crackers. Sometimes I forget that the rest of the world doesn't share the same background as I do, after coming from a community where everybody observed Passover, and exchanged yummy recipes using matzoh.
I then looked downstairs at the dinner menu, and discovered that not a single thing on there was Passover-friendly. Even the fish-sticks (which I loathe) are breaded. I mean, COME ON. I'm super-cranky and slightly weepy, and I really would like to throw a fit. Well, at least maybe I'll lose some weight, so that my formal dress will be just a little less snug.

Speaking of formal, which is April 13th, I still don't have a date. The first person I asked took a week to get back to me, and then decided it wasn't "his kind of thing." I wasn't insulted at all. Nope. Since my roommate loves me and has a whole network of people, within minutes a message had gone out to an aquaintance of hers asking if he'd want to come with me. He messaged Courtney back a few days later (huh, somebody who doesn't check facebook every five minutes. INSANE!) and told her he'd like to meet me first. We went out for coffee on Sunday, and ended up talking for over an hour and a half. I was beyond proud of myself, because as one of the most socially awkward people on earth there was not one moment of awkwardness! Unfortunately, the formal was never brought up, and I had to message him later asking if he wanted to go to my formal. And as I mentioned just a moment ago, he does not check facebook. Oops. So if you're a twenty-one year old male, who finds dressing up to be "your kinda thing" and likes riding in limos please let me know. Nope, I'm not awkward at all.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Jon Stewart's Kick Ass Interview with John Bolton

I thought this was an incredible interview by Jon Stewart. It's no secret that I love him. Do you ever play that game of who would you invite to a dinner party? Well Jon Stewart is always number one on my list. I also am ashamed to say I'm too caught up in collegiate life (from studying to partying) to follow the news as closely as I should. I get a good chunk of my news from The Daily Show, and it's interviews like this that keep me somewhat well informed. Thanks Jon!

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Movie Night and etc.

There is absolutely nothing fun to do in my town. Nothing. Lucky for me my friend Jordana's spring break trip was cancelled (not very lucky for her), so we've decided to have a few movie nights. We arrived at the video store to find that it had been majorly downgraded from the much larger space it used to occupy next door. Everything is DVD's, and all of them recent. No old classics here. Their competition with netflix, DVR, and digital cable has drastically lowered their prices, though. We got three new releases for $9.99. Not too bad.

Jordana and I picked "The Last Kiss" (because of my Zach Braff obsession), "For Your Consideration" (to get some laughs in), and "The Science of Sleep" which I know nothing about other than I saw a critic say something good about it a while ago, and it has the very yummy Gael Garcia Bernal.

As we were checking out the movies, the sales girl looks long and hard at us and says "You went to Millburn, didn't you? I know you." She did look familiar to me, but I still was completely caught off guard. She started asking us who we still talked to from high school, what we were doing after graduation (sore/scary subject) etc. It was an awkward blast from the past that felt as uncomfortable as something you'd see on The Office. Jordana kind of knew her, through the girl's younger sister, but I had NO idea how this girl (who is actually two years older than me) remembered me. I feel kind of guilty. I spent so many years in high school perfecting my invisibility, so for somebody to remember me shouldn't I remember them too? When Jordana and I signed onto our respective facebooks later that night, we both had friend requests. Note to self: pay in cash next time.

First off, my apologies for my lack of excellent review skills. I'm having a hard time critiquing without giving away too much. Let me know how I do (be honest).

The first movie we watched was "The Last Kiss" which I was really looking forward to due to the involvement of a stellar cast and my unknowing future husband, Zach Braff. I already own the soundtrack (awesome, btw), and had somewhat high hopes despite the random people who said they found the ending upsetting. I figured the ending would be gritty and realistic, and maybe Zach's character ended up with the wrong girl that they were rooting for. Without giving too much away, at the ending Jordana and I looked at each other and shared a "huh." Jordana then said she would have much rather seen the movie as a buddy comedy, focusing on the three friends of Michael (Braff's character). Jordana and I both found ourselves yelling at the characters throughout the film. From the first few minutes when Rachel Bilson is introduced, and throws herself at Michael (with the knowledge that he has a girlfriend). I found Bilson's character unlikable (which is hard to believe, since I really like her), and over the top. She consistently throws herself at Michael, and it got to the point where I was thinking enough already. Then she throws out the cheesiest line "make love to me in my dorm room" which would NEVER be uttered by a twenty-year old college student. Besides the fact that I hate the term "make love" (it just sounds ridiculous, in my opinion), I've NEVER heard anybody in college use that term (in a serious context).

Another problem is the fact that these characters really need therapy. I mean, like glaringly so. Rather than work out his newly developing problems with his wife, one of the characters chooses to just leave her and their baby. It just didn't feel realistic in any way shape or form. I mean, plenty of people leave their spouses/children all the time, but for these characters and their situations it just didn't make sense. The screenwriter of this film is Paul Haggis of "Crash" fame, a movie I hated. I thought it had great acting, but some of the most attrocious writing for such a critically aclaimed movie. It could have, should have been an afterschool special. So it really shouldn't be a surprise to me that another film he wrote missed the mark completely. I think the plot had tremendous potential, but Haggis just does not know how to tell a believable story. On the plus side, the music was great even if it was completely misplaced, and I will say one of my favorite parts of the movie where the music finally gelled with the story (rather than seemed placed in just because the songs were good) was towards the end, with Coldplay's "Warning Sign." When Zach and I finally do get together, I might have to hide this post from him, so as not to hurt his feelings. Or maybe he agrees with me, but is too classy a guy to diss his own movie in public.

Next up on our movie night schedule was "For Your Consideration" from the amazing team that made such classics as "Best in Show" and "Waiting for Guffman". First of all, I was shocked and horrified to discover Jordana had never seen any of Christopher Guest's films, and even worse had never even seen "This is Spinal Tap" (one of the greatest comedies I've seen). I later discovered that far too many of my friends had never even heard of the "Rockumentary" let alone seen it. I fear that my introducing it to them will result in the same horror that was my friends getting bored during "Young Frankenstein" (whaaaa?!?!) But I digress. What I want to know about FYC is how realistic this film is to how Hollywood is really run. Points this movie touches upon? Jews running Hollywood, execs trying to cleanse the film (originally called "Home for Purim") of it's Jewish story, the use of Botox, on-set romances, career turnarounds, obnoxious talk shows, acting for the "craft" not the awards, and soo many more. If you watch TNT at all, you've seen the overplayed commercials on "what is drama" and they discuss comedies as drama, and making people cry by making them laugh, and making them laugh after making them cry. Or something like that. I hope my point isn't too garbled. What I'm trying to say, is that even this amazing comedy managed to break my heart, thanks to the amazing Harry Shearer simply staring at a clock. It's one of the more poignant parts of the film, that brings even more life to the characters. Catherine O'Hara also manages to make me laugh to tears with her sudden change of face. If you've seen it you'll understand, if you haven't seen it then what are you doing still sitting here? Go rent it!

I wonder if I was a better Jew who really knew what the heck Purim was and who actually celebrated it, if I would have appreciated this movie even more. Either way, this is a great film and I recommend it to everybody.

As for our last film, that was pushed back a few days due to exhaustion, so I'll post that review later. Go ahead, talk amongst yourselves...

Saturday, March 17, 2007

The Good, The Bad, and the Ghoulish (news)

I'm going to live in a castle this summer. I'm going to live in a castle this summer. I'M GOING TO LIVE IN FRANCE FOR A MONTH!!!! When I got accepted today I nearly started crying tears of joy in front of the head of the program. I will be spending a month in the South of France taking intensive art classes. The program takes place at basically an artist's colony called La Napoule on the Riviera. For those of you lucky enough to be familiar with France, it's very close to Cannes. I'll also be spending eight days in Paris. To say I cannot wait is the understatement of the century. The only catch is that in order to afford this trip I need to become a part time student in the fall. I don't mind that so much, except for the fact that one of the bylaws of my sorority is that you cannot remain an active member while a part time student. This means that I am now on the hunt for a place to live during my final semester. I will be one of those obnoxious people bringing it up to everyone everywhere I go in hopes that I stumble upon something.

The bad news is that the reason I was able to meet with the head of this trip was due to being snowed in. My dad called my at 8am on Friday morning and told me that there was no way I would be driving home to NJ that day. It would just be me and the house ghost, Tracey. Tracey's actually a pretty friendly ghost, we believe that she came back here because this is where she had her best times, but that doesn't make it any less creepy when she's playing around with the sinks and such when you're in a house designed for 40+ people alone. I lucked out a little, I wasn't 100% alone. Besides the fact that the house director was downstairs should anything TOO creepy happen, another girl ended up staying in last night too. Her boyfriend came over and we made smoothies out of all the fruit that would've gone bad if left over break. We creeped each other out by telling Tracey stories and other ghost stories we'd heard or experienced, and also discussed possible ways that murderers could get in. Not creepy at all.

I kept myself up until about 3:30am. I pretty much waited until I passed out from exhaustion so I didn't have to lay in bed hearing every random noise, especially the wind that seems to wail outside my windows and wall. And people always thought corner rooms were the place to be. How am I going to live alone one day?! I might have to inform my parents that I will be living with one of them after college until I one day get married. Why wouldn't that idea excite them?!

Now I'm off to the Jerz, FINALLY, fingers crossed that the roads are cleared and my chicken wraps that I've been saving for this trip are still fresh and tasty. What a promising spring break this could be...