Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Eyebrows... waggle waggle

I've reached a conundrum. What should I do with my eyebrows? Not something that one would usually ponder, right? Okay, this actually goes back years and years ago to the high school days. When I first got my eyebrows done it was more about keeping them two separate entities and not entering Bert-land. As I got older they started becoming shaped. Once I reached college I was pretty much a pro, and my eyebrows were not only shaped pretty nicely, but thin. As somebody with stubbornly thick (and dark) eyebrows it took a lot of work to keep them that way.

The way some people stop eating (or start eating too much), or let themselves go in some way or another, when I became depressed my eyebrows were always the first thing to go. This past winter my eyebrows became ridiculously thick. High school thick. And while I was able to keep myself from becoming Bertified, I felt like they were bigger than my eyes.

One day I met my grandmother at the Waldorf for pedicures. It was every bit as glamorous as you'd expect. Her eyebrow lady was passing by to say hello when she spotted the monstrosity on my face. She offered to do my eyebrows FREE OF CHARGE. That's how bad it was. I was a pity case. Kety actually assumed I was in high school and hadn't a clue what I should be doing yet. Oops! She then yelled at me for completely over plucking in the past. Even with thick filled in eyebrows she could still see the damage I had been doing. She said if I had kept up the way I was (before I let them grow) they would be permanently damaged, and the hair would never grow back there. She fixed my shape and told me not to tweeze them AT ALL (except for, you know, the whole Bert area) until the next time I came in.

During my week in the city I ventured uptown to the Waldorf again. I kept waiting for somebody to point me out in the lobby and shout "faker! She doesn't belong here!" Once at the salon, Kety applauded me for not using the tweezers (little did she know I lost mine two weeks earlier), but said I still have a lot of work to do. You can actually see the area where there are gaps in the hair. It's a little creepy.

Now here's the thing. I think my eyebrows look ridiculously thick! I miss having really thin eyebrows. Is this some sort of body dysmorphic disorder, but with my eyebrows? Where I think they're never thin enough but they just look ridiculous? I mean I see other people with eyebrows like that, where I just want to tell them to stop tweezing. Maybe I was always the same, but I just could never see the truth. Somebody once told me I had Brooke Shields-like eyebrows. To me that seemed an insult, because Brooke Shields can pull something like that off, whereas I... cannot. I'm going to keep growing them for now, and I guess when I reach the point where Kety is no longer lecturing me I'll start asking everyone I know under the sun for their opinions. 

And thus concludes my oddest blog entry yet.

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