Tuesday, May 15, 2007

I could use a hug...

So this is the last assigned blog entry. Not to say that I don't plan on continuing this blog (so you better keep reading!!!) but it's the last time that I have to write an entry. This will actually be my last finished class. Creepy. Unfortunately I have a handful of essays to write, a few art drawings to complete tomorrow, a Shakespeare final to prepare for, and an Oceanography final that I'm praying to get at least a B on, but that's not looking so positive right now.

It seems somewhat appropriate that the one thing I've been discussing throughout the semester is the coming of graduation. I still have another semester left, but to me this still feels like the end. My friends are moving on, I'm leaving the safe little bubble that is my sorority life, and in a way starting fresh in the fall. I'm terrified. Unfortunately this has spilled into my current life. I have a tendency of self-destruction when I'm dreading moving on. I've fallen behind in my work and have started having increased anxiety over... pretty much everything.

Last week I had somewhat of a Seinfeld-esque moment when I acted like George and did the opposite of what I would normally do. On the down side I was a bitch to one of my good friends. We're cool now, but I still feel pretty bad about it. On the up side I got a kick playing against my usual type, and embracing some inner-self confidence I didn't really know I had. It was definitely a self-esteem boost. Like George, acting as my opposite self seemed to be more positive than negative, I just need to be more careful how I use it, so that people don't get hurt in the future. Who knows, maybe a whole new Maggie is in store for next semester. Or at least a slightly more matured post-Europe Maggie. You never know.

This weekend I went home to celebrate Mother's Day. On the one hand I didn't want to go back to school. I wanted to stay with my family, continue to hang out with my parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. On the other hand all I could think about was that I was missing the last weekend of spring semester with my friends, and how much I already missed them. Being away for a weekend can feel like forever sometimes. I will definitely have tremendous separation anxiety two weeks from now (not to mention next semester). Tonight we had a ceremony that made us officially alumni(nae?) of our sorority. I had been looking forward to it for a few years, but instead it felt like somebody punched me in the gut. Or perhaps my bubble bursting. Either way, it was extremely depressing. I will probably be a bawling wreck on graduation. Note to self: do not wear mascara.

I hope everybody who has been reading this enjoyed the blog so far. I will be keeping up with it as much as possible. I hope you continue to read as I go home and work work work in preparation for France, and espcially when I start blogging FROM France. I hope to have many exciting stories and pictures to share.

And yes, if you see me, I could use a hug.

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